Too much to tell. So I won’t say any of it. Oh, wait. I should update later on what I did last weekend. I have pictures and it involves a cake on fire with 36 candles [17 + 19]. :]
Fact: I have never won a game of Scrabble.
[ Not even when my first word was ‘Panther’ ]
Sometimes, I hate talking to people online.
I want to see a reaction.
As I progress through The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath I am constantly reminded of myself through the emotions of Esther Greenwood. She makes me feel mentally ill. Or maybe I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately.
This morning a case of the rebounding effect happened to me. My damn alarm got turned off by none other than myself, but I went right back to REMing with only slight recollection that my alarm ever rang. My aunt awoke at 5:30am saying the same thing in less “grander” words. It’s been cold lately. I’ve been cold (mean) lately. I’ve had the cold lately. I missed two days of school this week. For some reason even though I know I didn’t fare very well while ill at home I think I should have gone anyway. I will never know what I missed.
A small part of me knows I was starving myself this week. The other part of me kept telling everyone that my cold made me lose my appetite. But I finally ate tonight. Just like a year ago … starving yourself never hurts; I like building immunities to pain.
Slowly, I’m losing all rational thought. The spark? Reading. I read a year old conversation I held with someone and I let E.H. read it … bad idea. He pulled me apart and nailed me down perfectly. I hate being known. Other times, I start spitting out other people’s opinions. Am I so passive to the point that I cease to have any unique thoughts?
You make me feel crazy.
Perhaps sleep-deprivation is another bad sign. I need to focus again. My return to the online social scene was NOT a good idea. None of it is real anyway, right? I mean, I still care about people (such as Lindsey), but at some point in time I close that IM box and they become a non-existent blur. I feel schizo right now. Or in less drastic words I might just be bi-polar. Sometimes.
I am sleepy. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow: Gym, ballet class (yey! more Russian ballet!), and then a day with my once-close friend Jackie. I feel I’m pulling away from people. Let me rejoin the social scene. Oh, isn’t that a bright idea. That notion makes me want to laugh and cry all at once in one big dramatic nervous breakdown.
Get over it.
Wow!! It was such a laid back week last week except for the DBQ that was due on Friday. But I actually enjoyed writing it this time around – it was about the Jazz Age and we had to cite not only the documents, but also The Great Gatsby. Watch me score low just because I think I did well.
On Friday night, I was THIS close to watching Ultraviolet with EH. But then like… my aunt got home 5 mins after he left. :'[ I really realllllly want to see that movie. Another oh well to add to my collection.
Saturday I went to the gym at 7 even though I usually go at 6:30.. but my Aunt slept in too late. lmao. It was fun, though. I looove exercising. Gimme endorphins. (: Then as my Aunt had a candle party I napped. A 5-hour “nap” … yeah, I know. Oh wells. I woke up and then watched The First Wives’ Club! I looove this movie. I enjoy it every single time I watch it; it never ceases to be funny. At 9pm, my Uncle George came over with his girlfriend, Alba. Some time around 10pm we decided to go to this Guatemalan cafe called, “Antigua.” I got an Ice Blended Banana strawberry drink and a slice of chocolate cake. OH, yumm!! Some writer guy was there reading his short stories aloud. I really enjoyed listening to him. Got back home like at 11.
Sunday – I went to Morita Michiko-san’s house to interview her, but I ended up interviewing her husband, Morita Testuhiro-san! She ran away from me and hid. Lol, cute! The interview went very well, too. Then we talked a bit. When my Aunts, Meme & Maggie came to pick me up Mrs. Morita started to make udon. Mmmm, it was delicious!! Got home at 1 then started getting ready for the night.
Auntie Elle, Meme, Mary, and I went to dinner at Yamashiro (means Mountain Palace). It was beautiful!! Loved it. Hehe. By 7 we began driving to the theater and we watched Matthew Bourne’s “Swan Lake.” I liked it; it received a standing ovation. 😀 yey!
I was sick today (probably from all the late-night outings in the cold!) so I stayed home. I finished typing my transcript and yeah. (: Nice && slow day.
Oh wow. It feels like so many things have happened all at once. It’s a mass confusion and I can’t sort out dates. In these cases lists work very well for me.
- Family gathering at my house for my birthday.
- Gifts included: tickets to Swan Lake (orchestra section, row b!!) and dinner to Yamashiro (you must look at this virtual tour!), clothes, money, and a photo frame with old pics of myself && best friend. ;D
- Eleni && I worked on a project together. Rough experience ‘cus she seems to be omniscient and I felt like lower than the common dumb WOman.
- People have shared private little confessionals with me recently. Good, bad? — I’m so bi-polar.
- I slept over with my mom from Thurday night to Sunday.
- Mom && I went on a shopping spree. Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle; joys of life. ♥
- Today was a good hair day.
- Causing drama is mentally exhausting – it makes me feel emo. 🙁
E.H. && I have been talking on the phone every once in a while now. We talk about La Sarah too much for comfort. Mayhaps I should isolate myself. Yes, indeeeeeed.
I have so many assignments to do. I’m procrastinating just sitting here not doing any of it. I’m off.