MonthApril 2006

slow down

Descanso Gardens. Silent Hill. Dinner at lots of places. Studying. That’s how spring break went.

One thing I’d like to remember, though:
Eric H.&I are best friends now. [: During break we stayed awake usually until 2am and we’d chat on the phone. On one particular night I just kind of passed out on the sofa in the living room instead of going to the spare bedroom [[at mom`s house]]. The next morning my cousin Jonathan&girlfriend came over and I was asleep on the sofa. Gah! I woke up and tried to pretend I wasn’t shyyy all while worrying if my hair looked okay.

When they left I asked my mom why she didn’t wake me up. Her reply was, “You look like a lettuce when you wake up.” Say what? YEAH. LETTUCE. Or as she explained, perky and hyper. Riiiight. Needless to say, I ran to the bathroom and my hair was picture perfect [or at least in the exact same condition as when I went to sleep.] Lucky me. I`m known for having nice hair when I wake up. Aren`t I lucky?

This is officially hell week. Monday – Nixon to Clinton exam. Today – first APUSH final. WELLLLL I studied, I really did. And erm, calculating it … I would have received a 3 if the final were the real deal. Our 2nd final is on Friday. The third final is on Monday. Depressing. May 5th is the date of the actual APUSH exam. Slow down.

Rough draft for English due tomorrow. I don’t even know what length it needs to be. I`m currently busy finishing math hw. Or attempting to anyway.

Oh man. Oh man. You can do it. You can do it. Relax.

Ever heard of Pennies for Patients? Well, schools all over the country help raise money for leukemia patients. Downey High School [my high-school] was the top contributor in the entire country – #1, baby. Damn right. We care&we can prove it, too. [:

hope we both learned our lesson

No words could better explain it than Bayside’s lyrics can:

So let’s close our eyes and we’ll talk in the morning, when we’re able to feel the true weight of our words and why we’re both here. Then we can say we tried and take comfort in knowing that if we both die alone tomorrow, it’s just the way that the stars aligned.

I was reading my AP Psychology book when Bayside’s, “We’ll Be OK” suddenly took on a new meaning. I never doubted for a second Bayside was my favorite band.

If you want to feel happy, try smiling!!” -> post-it currently on my monitor, except! it’s not working. Maybe I shouldn’t promote it, but that’s using the facial-feedback hypothesis, and it’s just not working at the moment. It worked when I first placed the post-it there, but as those emo thoughts crept in it ceased to function.

There’s a voice in my head telling me why I should hate you, but I hate myself instead. There’s a pair of dead eyes in the mirror looking back at me. I guess its wrong to live life so lifelessly.

Considering I slept only three hours this morning, I truly do look dead. I love when I should hate. You fill me with emotion – just, the wrong kind.

I hate myself
For loving you like this
And I hate myself for hating myself
Just enough to love you.

On an entirely different topic I`ve been working on Raison D`etre this week. It’s 1/2 done – everything except the “Articles” which is the content. Haha. It’ll get done soon. I`m feeling the online scene right now.

This isn’t who I am.
From confidence to self doubt in 60 seconds.
Storming stages and stereos from here to there,
trying to prove that I belong.

dear tragedy

I feel sooo confined inside the house. I finally left the house, though. I called my Uncle and asked if I could go over for dinner. Naturally he was more than welcoming. I had dinner and then drove back home. I`m like stuck here. Gah. I hate driving at night – unless! it’s on the freeway. I`m crazy, aren’t I? I remember once I drove my mom, my bro, and I home from Long Beach at midnight-ish. THAT was eff-you-enn.

Mom invited me to hang out with her and my brother tomorrow. I’d like that very much; it’ll give me a chance to CHILLAX.

The only problem I see is that I’m sliiightly behind my schedule. I spent all of Tuesday working on my gallery. I think I’ve added nearly every picture on my hard drive onto my gallery. Hm, there are a few controversial images on there, though. Accident? I think not. :] I wonder if you’ll find them.

Anyway, back on topic. Must I always digress? Yes. I can spend time with Mom & Bro tomorrow but that just means I’ll be making studying for AP Psych optional minus the take home test because that’s mandatory. I want to go to that garden… I forgot the name, though. Darn.

I’ve been working on Dakishime content. You can now click on the 01, 02, 03, anddd 04 without reaching my lovely 404! Ah yes, new log layout soon, but I think the domain layout will stay for a while; I like it.

I’m suddenly interested in my livejournal. Goodness, no. But I am. We’ll see if I start blogging all my innermost thoughts there again.

On Tuesday morning, my GOOD friend David had the courtesy to call me at 5.30am [and I fell asleep at 2.30am]. He was in line to get into the American Idol audience. After repeatedly hanging up on him, he kept calling me back. I attempted a 10-minute coherent conversation and failed. So I said my goodbye’s and goodnight’s only to receive text messages and experience vibrations to my bed, thus waking me up time and time again. &sigh. Leave it to friends, right?

1am … and still not sleepy. Spring Break screws up my sleeping habits. I’ll be sleeping at around 3am thank you.

Ah, as an added note I found this on my LJ:

Along the river instead of across the stream.”

‘Have you ever wanted to go along the river? Ever TRIED it?’ he asked. ‘Don’t ask me that,’ I replied almost immediately. My thoughts are in the way that I don’t mind listening to people telling me their thoughts. But then I don’t tell them anything in return. I keep their secrets safely locked inside. I am your safebox. And I don’t mind — really. He’s right, that’s it’s only fair that I answer his questions when he so honestly answered mine. Somehow, I want to express myself but often times find that I simply can’t or don’t know exactly how. As of now, I’m content with that, though.

Depressing. Good ol` LJ.

FEEEEEEEL the stress. NOW.

My Aunts all left for Florida today. I`m left home alone with ever-so-much studying to do. I feel overwhelmed as I mark in my calendar all that I need to do.

04.17 – APUSH Studying 1600s to 1750

04.18 – APUSH Studying 1750-1900

04.19 – APUSH Studying 1900-1990s

04.20 – Misc. HW Day / mind break from reading

04.21 – AP Psych Studying (pgs. 41-122), read 2 chapters from AP Psych book

04.22 – AP Psych Studying (pgs. 123-224), read 2 chapters from AP Psych book, start the take home test

04.23 – AP Psych Studying (pgs. 225-287) <–[optional], read 1 chapter from AP Psych book, finish take home test

04.24 – Back to school, Exam: Nixon to Clinton in APUSH

04.26 – APUSH Final #1

04.28 – APUSH Final #2

05.01 – APUSH Final #3

05.05 – APUSH TEST!!!!!! HOLYOHMAHGAWD. &dies.

05.06 – SAT I (retake ‘cus ughh i did CRAPPY)

05.10 – AP Psych TEST!!!!!! &dies x2?!