DayApril 24, 2006

hope we both learned our lesson

No words could better explain it than Bayside’s lyrics can:

So let’s close our eyes and we’ll talk in the morning, when we’re able to feel the true weight of our words and why we’re both here. Then we can say we tried and take comfort in knowing that if we both die alone tomorrow, it’s just the way that the stars aligned.

I was reading my AP Psychology book when Bayside’s, “We’ll Be OK” suddenly took on a new meaning. I never doubted for a second Bayside was my favorite band.

If you want to feel happy, try smiling!!” -> post-it currently on my monitor, except! it’s not working. Maybe I shouldn’t promote it, but that’s using the facial-feedback hypothesis, and it’s just not working at the moment. It worked when I first placed the post-it there, but as those emo thoughts crept in it ceased to function.

There’s a voice in my head telling me why I should hate you, but I hate myself instead. There’s a pair of dead eyes in the mirror looking back at me. I guess its wrong to live life so lifelessly.

Considering I slept only three hours this morning, I truly do look dead. I love when I should hate. You fill me with emotion – just, the wrong kind.

I hate myself
For loving you like this
And I hate myself for hating myself
Just enough to love you.

On an entirely different topic I`ve been working on Raison D`etre this week. It’s 1/2 done – everything except the “Articles” which is the content. Haha. It’ll get done soon. I`m feeling the online scene right now.

This isn’t who I am.
From confidence to self doubt in 60 seconds.
Storming stages and stereos from here to there,
trying to prove that I belong.