MonthMay 2006

Contra formam humani generis

Simile of Myself

I am like a perpetually sealed letter to the world,
Yearning to be opened and read a million times over.
The letter remains unopened, hiding all that is sincere.
An aesthetic stamp adorns the exterior,
The true contents known only to the writer.
Try to open it, dare.
Surprise, surprise, it’s utterly empty inside.

 Thoughts of purchasing a new domain have crossed my mind. It would not be replacing this one at all, but instead it would simply hold my weblog. I have so many ideas. Please help me choose!

– drowning-sky.net
– anathema.org
– antigone.net/.nu
– dawn-treader.org
– euphoria.net
– euphoric.nu
– spring-skies.net
– winter-skies.net
– roman-skies.net
– falling-sea.net
– aspera.org
– prelude-soul.org

I reallllly want a hyphenated domain [or not, depending on the name], it should be “emo” or emotional, and maybe pertaining to nature, or a Latin word/phrase. Any ideas, suggestions, comments?

Three-day weekend was enjoyable. [: I spent a total of 5 hours at home in all; I didn’t even go home Friday afterschool. 1 hour on Sunday morning to get more clothes and then Monday night from 8pm until the end of the day, midnight.

X-Men III was soooo awesome. Tell me you watched it and stayed after the credits. ;] Family party on Saturday. Looked at houses on Sunday. Then worked on AP Psych project from 4:30-9pm at Krystal’s house. Monday – chillaxing/sleeping day at Mom’s.

Oh, oh… I JUST had the bestest ending line ever and now it has slipped my mind. :\ Nuuuh. This will have to do:

Be swift to embrace nonsense that makes you smile.
Don’t let “sense” take over too early.

You Do It so, so WELL

I have recently begun storming stages and stereos like there’s no tomorrow. For some strange reason I believe it’s because I have been trusting Hang so much recently. I’ve been telling her pretty much everything. Who knew talking about your own life to other people could make you feel worse?

Hopeless. A single word that you would not expect from me.

So lately I find myself saying, “But, I don’t want to talk about it,” after bringing a topic up. Oh I get the occasional questions and that’s different only because answering is only a small puzzle piece. Yet again, I underestimate peoples’ abilities to put pieces together to get the big picture. One of these days I’ll vow an oath of silence [for a day].

She told me, “You have an obsession with the past.” How right you are, my dear friend. As irrelevant as this may sound, I even miss the 90s. Why is the past so much better than the present or the future ever will be?

So I dyed my hair at the salon yesterday. I was just making light conversation with my stylist when she asked, “What are your plans after high-school?” Sometimes people don’t realize that unexpected questions like that actually have a big impact on me – and they usually bring me down. Okay, so I told her about my plans to go to Med School. Her reply was, “You can never fall in love. You’ll be so busy!” Zomg. Dude, it’s like she knows my AIM SN and reads my away messages because about last week I had an away message that said my life was over before it ever got a chance to start because I’ll be so fuhreaking busy. Uaa~ Hang claims I’ll find someone in med school and we’ll both be filthy rich. :> Since Hang is going to med-school, too, I’ll go and re-meet her! We’ll be luffers… uaa~

One week it’s all good. Next week it’s all bad. Oregon is fuhreaking bi-polar or moody. Mr. RudeMoodyPants, I remember the nickname well. Often times a certain thought crosses my mind; he & I just aren’t meant to be friends and I should just stop talking to him altogether. Easier said than done. Stupid stupid human emotions.

Psychobabble, Victoria calls it. She does it. I do it. Must be our whole Pisces/March 1st/twin power thing. My English teacher asked us to write an extended simile for ourselves. Oy! What do I compare myself to?! Gah… writing is suddenly my weak point. For serious, yo.

Yesterday! I got to tie a guy’s hair for the first time. Oh, oh, his hair was hawt. And he was soooo cute. His bangs are just like miiiine. Does that sound narcissistic? D: Anyhow, total wow-ness. Too bad he’s a sophomore. Haha. It’s amusing how suddenly all the Juniors have emotions and crushes and love interests. It’s like everyone’s growing up! Except not. Now that I think about it, it’s a tad repulsing. The strangest things disgust me. Ah wellllllll.

So suck your so-called pity down and don’t forget to take deep breaths. That’s not so bad, is it?
Recycled phrases, and the bittersweet taste…

I am a hostage to my own humanity.
Self-detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made.
And all I’m asking is for you to do what you can with me.
But I can’t ask you to give what you already gave.

I wish I were an unopened letter to the world.

Tell Me Everything

Recap entries sure are long. It’s been a very long time since my last entry. Oh, and I have an immigrant research paper due tomorrow, but I’ll waste a bit more time.

On Wednesday of last week I took my final AP Exam – AP Psychology. I know I did very well on the first essay and ehhhh okies on the second essay, but I’m not entirely sure about the multiple choice. Hm. Time will tell what I received. *sigh*

After my exam finished at 3pm, I had to go to the Downey Theatre to get dressed and put make-up on for my dance performance. The show lasted from 7-9 I’d say. Oh, it happened so fast! It was realllllly fun, though. I want to do it all over again. [: I performed a jazz dance to Prince’s “Baby, I’ma Star” and a hip hop mix. I convinced most of my friends to NOT go, but some did. Embarrassing. T_T; A few friends watched me shake certain parts of my body. Hahaha. Oh that wasn’t fun!

Friday afterschool I took a math test that about 25 kids needed to take [due to AP testing]. I got a 90%. Meh. That’s just okay… but I don’t really mind.

Then my uncle George picked me up. My brother was already in the car, and we then picked up my Uncle’s son, Georgito. [: On the journey home I learned, “Betty bought a bit of better butter. A bit of better butter Betty bought.” Yey! You try saying that a few times fast. Fun, ne? Ooh, and then my Uncle made up an emo song!! He’s always making his own songs to ridicule something or just for entertainment purposes. The lyrics went something like, “I’m all alone at night wondering if anyone cares. I want to die. I should slit my wrists. What’s the fastest way to kill yourself? Tell me!!! Tell me!!!” Oh man oh maaaan, my expression went from o: to xD so fast! It was really funny [he can’t sing, btw] & emo all at once. Hm, side note: he owes me lunch.

Elizabeth, Jean, David, Pedro, Vy, and I went to Disneyland on Saturday. [: It was the first time all year we’ve gone out. AP testing is over!! It was a much-needed brain break. Because we were in each others company we tried to scream extra loud-ish-like. All our voices were strained by the end of the day [and mine still sounds a bit weird]. We got on all the major rides at both Disneyland & California Adventure. We even watched the Aladdin show. Haha, since I last went in February, the Aladdin’s abs got more ripped. Hahah. On rides we yelled out, “Iceberg lettuce!!!” or later on in the night as we got sillier, “LECHUUUUGA,” which is Spanish for lettuce. (: Ah, the fun! Pedro’s sister Laura works at Disneyland so we were there until 1:30am. I got to Mom’s home at 2am VERY hyper. Matter o’ fact, before we left Disneyland, David&I started running laps. ^__^;; HAHAHA. Sure, our feet were in pain – but running is EFF YOU ENN!

Throughout the day I managed to damage David’s family jewels on a ride. Oh that was awkward let me tell you. Hm, and while in line to get seats for Aladdin Jean came up with the idea to play MASH. Ohhh man. *mumbles* DOUBLE-U. EE. ESS. I’ll stop there. Gahhh. Woah.

Sunday, awoke at Mom’s house, but she had gone to work. Auntie Elle&Meme had slept over, too, though. At 11am we left and I finally got home. Sunday was My Epiphany. I was literally listening to music and relaxing on my comp when BAM! I reached an enlightenment of sorts. Quite randomly, I stopped feeling emo. I stopped -insert- emotion. It was the best feeling in the entire world. I don’t know what came over me. It was just … amazing. 😀 Yey!

Afterschool on Monday I had an ortho appointment and since my mom has all Monday’s off she took me. Afterward we went to have dinner at The Elephant Bar. Yumm~ I called my Auntie Meme to ask if she wanted us to get her any food to go and she said yes. Aunt suggested we both sleep over at Mom’s. So we did. [: I’m currently in the process of contemplating whether or not I should move back in with my mother. Most people probably think I’m crazy for wanting to do that, but ehhhh. I don’t know. Thinking, thinking. I do that a lot.

At night, while on my mother’s lappy-toppy Oregon signed on. After my epiphany I wasn’t exactly going to IM him. But surprises always occur; he IMed me. He apologized and we had a very nice talk. Too bad I don’t feel anything towards him anymore. Which makes me wonder if my epiphany got rid of my emo-ness or in actuality, made me apathetic. D: I’m not really worried. Not feeling is okay. For now.

Tuesday night I came home and watched “2009 Lost Memories” a Japanese&Korean (both languages are incorporated) movie with my Aunt. It’s such a good movie. After, I fell asleep at 8pm and awoke this morning at 5am. Gooood sleep. Yey! I need more sleep.

I looove 2, 4, 6 days. AP US, German II, AP Psych. Movie-watching, baby. ;] Yesss.

I started looking out for myself today.”

An ill wind comes arising

Carolina [talking to David about who knows what]: 38?!
Me [decides to yell out a random number, too]: 69.
Elizabeth: 13?
Vy: 666
Me: Okay, so obviously no one got that. My number meant something.
Vy: I did!
Elizabeth: Huh?
Vy: Oh, she’s so innocent.
David: &laughing.

[: Hahah. Elizabeth is the best. If she were a guy, I’d marry her. Lmao.

I changed my mind. Shopping does make me happy. It’s been a while since I’ve gone shopping to just … spend money. My purchases:

  • $200+ on M•A•C makeup required for dance.
  • Anne Klein sunglasses that actually look nice on me. o:
  • Black Adidas. I really wanted the white&green ones but I need the black ones for a hip hop dance. Aww.

The artist at M•A•C put the makeup on me and afterwards I didn’t recognize my face. Ahaha. It was kinda odd. And then when I wore the sunglasses I was thinking, “Who the heck is that?” and it was me. xD; The reason MAC is good for performances is because it stays on well. AND the reason for THAT is because it was originally used on corpses. Of course, it’s not the same consistency now, but those are its origins. Freaky, but interesting. Make-up makes me feel girly. Is this a good thing? Hm.

I tried on a new pair of jeans my lil` brother bought. ZOMG. They fit! Haha. Boy jeans make me feel gangster. D: Funny how both his shoes and clothes fit me. I’ve even “borrowed” one of his Green Day shirts. Mwuahaha. xD;

I had a strange dream last night. My dream was that I got married, but then my husband went to war and I received a message that he died. Like 10 years later I was at some store and I saw him! Our eyes met and it was like the weirdest thing in the world. Neither of us knew where the other had been. Afterwards I moved in with him in another state in some country-like city/town. He owned a store and I … was working on math homework. Hahah. There was a formula I could not figure out for the life of me and he knew what it was but he refused to tell me. Although we were back together we didn’t know how to speak to each other and even when we talked it just wasn’t the same. I woke up so sad. But I know where the math formula came from – one of the SAT math problems that I just didn’t understand because I was too brain-dead to bother solving. The other stuff holds a meaning to me, too. Grrrrr. Whateverrr.

You sometimes drive me crazy
But I worry about you
I know it makes no difference
To what you’re going through
But I see the tip of the iceberg
And I worry about you…