DayOctober 2, 2006

Think Fast.

I was instructed to write everytime I feel depressed, but I’ve been at a loss for words lately.

I miss you more than I did yesterday.

Today was very much an anti-social day… but probably not in the way most people assume. I was content being very quiet and keeping to myself. I wasn’t even online. Perhaps my dependency is lessening. Hah, but probably not.

Eric H. txted me this morning as I was eating breakfast with my Aunt at Gallo Giro, a Mexican restaurant. I never understand what I feel for that man. Certainly I enjoy him picking me apart and knowing everything about me, but then there are the times when he’s just a numbless 4chan addict. Honestly, I couldn’t give a shit about “funny” 4chan posts. It’s sad to admit that he annoys me sometimes, but he’s got entirely noble intentions. Sometimes I regret us getting so close to each other. We talked EVERY day afterschool last year, we talked online, we were inseperable. The part that I regret is not being able to get that back because well – he’s no longer here. Again, I’m simply expressing my thoughts with no obvious point in mind.

Wow, I was asked to remember that night ever so long ago, tonight. Cute or not, I regret that night. [Notice a trend: I regret a lot of things so when asked what I regret most, I just say everything] I’m way too idealistic, but I’m slowly throwing that away.

Ack! I opened up my lavender journal today and DH was all over it. For some reason now that I recall Mr. Perfect [‘cus oh boy he is!] all I can think about is Valerie’s vain attempt at getting us close together. He and I aren’t even friends now … three years later. That totally bothers me.

Ryan talks about Cassie more and more every day. I will admit it made me slightly jealous in the beginning. He’s always been mine, and now it’s like I have to share him. 🙁 Ah, but it’s enough that we both love each other! He’s the bestestestest friend ever because he’s the ONLY person that can un-emo-ify me. He’s so pretty, too! Gr, I hate watching him eat icecream. Damn that sensual, very pretty boy! Heh, we have so much power over each other. My lovely Teekwidca and I will get into major trouble one day. xD;

The soap opera gets even better. It’s unreal. So, *makes a terrible white girl voice* like omg, can you believe it?! The man I’ve loved for like two years has a best friend that’s like totally in love with me. This is way too dramatic for me. [/ends sillyness] In all seriousness, it was an unexpected September 13th. I admitted that I liked him and from there something like sparks flew. I feel uncomfortable discussing this. Is it possible to be in love more than once in your life?

Even a broken clock is right twice a day. <– That’s a stroke of genius.

Okok, I started this off very cheerful, I promise. And now… I’m like, “wtf. I don’t care. I’m apathetic, remember?” I = abnormal. Apathy reminds me of Relient K and Lindsey. I love my Lindsey. Have I mentioned she has the best taste in music, ever? 🙂

Just bury me.