Sea of Regret and No One Knows

The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again.

I like the word “gurney.” As a matter of fact I’m replacing the words “medical bed” with gurney on the first sentence in one of my three college essays for the UC application. Oh, that thing. I should work on it some time and actually finish my 600 word. I promise to make it as profound as I possibly can.

It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, but more so that I’ve been too apathetic to contribute a worthy entry to my blog. I’ve been wanting to go to therapy for a while now. So, I notified my mother and she says, “Just make your own appointment.” Hah, nice to know I have some sort of support on the matter. It’s great that she works for Kaiser Permanente. I want to work for Kaiser when I get older (yeah, like oh, 30, when I finish med school?).

Doubts have been crossing my mind lately. I’ve been entirely sure of my career for so many years and NOW I decide to question it. It isn’t that I don’t enjoy psychology, but more so the thought that I can excel at so many things. I’m not being conceited; I’m saying that I feel passionate for so many subjects that I feel would take me down a successful path. Lawyer, linguist, anything computer-related. The thought crossed my mind that being a lawyer would be a tremendous feat, an everyday battle; it sounds like fun. Romance languages are absolutely gorgeous! They’re all so similar that once you learn one so many doors are unlocked. :] Based on my knowledge of Spanish I can roughly translate many of the Romance languages. The only reason I’ve never wanted to pursue any career in computers is because I love it too much. Okay, so you’re asking: A true career is doing something you love, so why not? Eh, it’s a personal hobby. That’s like saying I like fishing so I should be a fisherman! It doesn’t work that way for me. My mom has always wanted me to be a nurse, too. Oh, I’m so unsure.

What’s your dream career?

The discussions in AP English make me feel englightened. I want to cling on to the discussions and be able to analyze literature the way my teacher does. The Plague by Albert Camus is the most subtle book I’ve ever read. During the summer as I read it it was the most boring terrible book ever. Now I’m warming up to it. Existentialism. Allegory to World War II. Wow. It’s breathtaking. Philosophical thought. <3

Oh yey, this is turning into a long entry!! Finally. My thoughts have returned. I feel whole again.

– “That’s it! You’re wholesome!! That’s why you’re so cute,” said Paula to me yesterday afterschool.
– At lunch I was talking to Zevin and Elizabeth about Koda Kumi, Utada Hikaru, and Ayumi when Mark just said, “Bri, you look like a little doll. A pretty, asian doll.”
– David’s sister walked in from the living room while I was reading an essay aloud, “You have the most soothing voice. Have you ever considered a job in radio?”
– “Your voice is soothing,” Rob often told me every some odd nights.
– “I love your curls. You’re so cute! Your height just adds to it, too,” Jesse told me in English some time this week.
– Randomly in any given conversation someone will just burst out and say, “You’re so cute!”
– Everyone loves my very long, gorgeous eyelashes.
– I have cute rosy cheeks.
– My lips are full and pretty-colored.
– People like my butt………. o_x; This is the most awkward compliment of all.

So I read what I just wrote and I wonder why I still hate myself. Apparently I’m this super cute little girl. Alright, I accept! ^__^;

This heat is unbearable. It’s almost winter and it’s hotter than it was in the summer. SoCal, baby. Give me some rain already!

I ♥ Eric L.

2 thoughts on “Sea of Regret and No One Knows

  1. How long have i been saying you were cute? and you never believe me! well HAH! i was right all along!

    btw…….. nice butt XD

  2. Hey, many people don’t know what they’ll do later in life. I think that is what college is for, exploring possible careers and things you like.

    Anyway, I don’t know what you exactly look like, but you sound like one of my good friends. I always call her cute, because she is! On the other hand, sometimes people call me cute, and I have no idea where they’re coming from. XD

    btw. you should use gmail chat…because since I’m not allowed AIM, MSN, or YIM, that’s the only way I can talk to my hostess. :[

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