MonthDecember 2006

Let’s Start A Riot

Christmas felt strange this year. It didn’t feel very Christmas-y. In any case we made a lot of new traditions, for fun.

Daruma DollFirst off, we received Daruma dolls from Brian and Maggie so that we can make goals for ourselves. My goal is very long-term: pass MCATs and get into med-school. Everyone colored in one eye, and wrote their goal on the bottom of the cushion. They told the story of how 2 years and 4 months ago they wrote on the bottom of a Daruma doll to have a baby, and how they finally were able to. :] Nicenice. ♥

Anyway, my gifts:

+ Samsung HDTV 19″ (also as new computer monitor)
+ Lime Green Converse♥
+ Rocky DVD! (he’s my hero)
+ Silver heart bracelet
+ Anne Klein watch
+ Jamba Juice gift card
+ $30 Borders gift card
+ $20 Barnes&Noble gift card
+ $100 Hollister gift card

On Christmas Day (we celebrate at midnight on the eve) I bought:

— Crime and Punishment
— Girl, Interrupted
— The Burn Journals
— Death Note vol. 1+2
— The Metamorphosis
— Heart of Darkness

Ah, anyway… the adults drank this strange drink that Alba created with vodka. They then got a lighter and put the drink on fire. XD There were straws and they had to push the straw all the way to the bottom to drink it without burning themselves. Haha, it was funny. :] Here was Auntie Elle’s tree:

The picture was taken with my mobile, which I love! :] I made a new blog, a moblog. For now it’s a bit empty, but there I’ll make a mini layout for it and etc. (: Also, I want to make an mp3 blog like the ones featured on the very new program, Songbird. Get Songbird The program is still in beta, but hopefully soon it will replace iTunes (for me, anyway)!! Songbird automagically detects songs linked on the blog, and it’s also a browser. It’s made by Mozilla, same wonderful creators of Firefox. Give it a try!!

Today I woke up at 11am and Mom wanted to go our favorite Japanese restaurant, Suehiro, in Little Tokyo in Downtown LA. We ate our usual and then took a small walk to Marukai (Japanese market), and stopped by Kinokuniya (bookstore) very quickly. (: Fun fun!!

Sound The Alarm

I actually sensed the gradual shift from joyous to depressed last night. The result is that I’m angry, aggravated, and apathetic today. The lack of social contact doesn’t bother me. For about a month the only person I’ve talked to would be Teekwidca (aka Ryan). And sometimes I don’t even want to talk to him. Talking does get tiring doesn’t it? As a result I told E.H. a lie and pushed him far, far away to the point that he may have blocked me and doesn’t want to see me for a while. It’s all too amusing for comfort. I smile/laugh to hide any emotions; it’s very efficient. (:

Looking back, there are 10 entries that never made it onto my blog, but I still have them. They span from July 14, 2005 to August 5, 2005. I think I’ll just quote most of one of those entries. Funny how it still applies. Hah, and I was a better writer then than I am now:

I feel so utterly hopelessly confused. Looking back, I don’t know whether to regret the year or be grateful for the experiences it brought me. It all always falls apart in the end does it not? I thought it’d hurt more, but that’s probably only because I’ve felt more hurt than this before. Pain knows no boundaries. I feel as though I should laugh at myself because I swallowed all of my words. Everything I ever told her, I should have listened and told myself because it was the same situation. Did I figure that in the end I’d turn out better than she did? Of course not, and yesterday completely proved it to me as much as a slap in the face would’ve. Everyone cheered me on and led me to believe that it was alright. But deep inside I knew the truth. The feeling was less; the idea of it felt better than it truly did. I fooled myself good.

There is another world altogether underneath my exterior. I live a private world of pain and sadness. I try not to let it affect me, but it shows. Oh, how it shows. In every smile I give, I can feel myself crumbling; I’m falling—I’m falling. I want to close my eyes, and pull the covers over my face for good measure, and cry myself to sleep—all without anyone knowing. I want to stay all alone; no, wait, I am all alone. And yet I’m still not content. I want someone to understand but am so afraid of meeting someone that does. Why, if they understand they’re no better off than I am! The irony of it all. So tell me, what do I need?

It makes no sense. I make no sense. The world spins and I watch it waiting for my turn to jump back in. I’m never going to find it am I? I’m too fucked up for any good to come this way. Oh, just leave me alone. I’ll be alright without anyone. It’s just as she said it’d be. And I’ll be just as she imagined. Already I’ve spoken of four people, five including myself, and no names have escaped my lips. What kind of a world is this? Nameless faces. Whatsername.

Thinking is bad. Feeling is even worse. Emotions are for the weak. I’m awfully weak, and I hate myself. Don’t you hate me, too?


More eventful, however, is the birth of my Auntie Maggie and Uncle Brian’s baby Midori. ♥ She’s the cutest little baby, but I didn’t get a good picture of her. Her eyes are so asian and cuuute. Bwuahahaha, after I get over the initial jealous shock (I won’t be the only girl anymore), I’m going to love her forever and ever. :blush: Her name means Green Forest (Midori Morita). Isn’t that cute? She was born on the 21st at 7:41pm weighing something like 7lbs. (: I can’t wait to hold her!

Ah, but I must must must end on an emo note, right? That’s my “style.” Speaking of style, I brought back the smiley pack of xanga smilies that I saved. :laughing:

Uninjured, I hurt. Hurt, I feel no pain.

Speaker For The Dead

Ok! I realize the entry below was nothing like my usual entries and contained almost no personal information. So now I offer my apologies. Really, though … there has been too much “high-school drama” that needs not be told, and I’ve both a] isolated myself and b] gotten more socially involved simultaneously. It can be done, and I’m doing it, promise.

For one, I have not uttered too many words to too many people. The words that do come out my mouth pertain to nothing at all. They’re more like, “Ok”, “Yes”, “Sure”, and the like. For a few weeks I have refused to sign on to AIM. There is no reason to socialize. What I find ironic is that now more than ever people tell me things. I’m a “listener.” I rather like it. Possessing knowledge is a powerful tool; yet, I know not what to do with this knowledge, but to use it. I am upset that one of my friends and I are getting different sides of stories so we are not agreeing. This said friend and I have not spoken too much recently; I’m finding said friend annoying.

The last time I wrote any sort of fiction was either 8th or 9th grade. So last week, isolated and all, I was inspired to write once again. I have a feeling this piece is going to be quite long now that I’ve outlined it. So far I have three readers guiding me through it. They want to know what occurs next and this is my motivation to continually write more; I must satiate the appetite of the readers.

DSC01812_1.JPGThere were gift exchanges today. I got the cutest slippers from Anchor Blue for around the house, a Hot Topic gift card, and two anime DVDs. I had a test in AP Bio first period which went terribly. Then 2nd period I worked on an art project. In 3rd, we had a party; there was a lot of yummy food! In 4th we had a discussion on 1,000 Acres. During my TA period I just sat with the other girl and we ate chocolate. Haha, and in 6th!! – we learned about the String Theory/M Theory. My day is almost over and I’m just relaxing, trying to enjoy the beginning of my break.

I have so much homework this Winter Break; it’s terrible.


This is our Christmas tree. As always I chose the color scheme. It’s a white tree with gold and autumn colors like orange, pale green, and a bit of light pink. It’s about 6ft. tall, and I love it!! It’s the prettiest by far, but they get prettier each year. 😀

Tonight the sky is painted. Melancholy.

I’ve Gotten Vulnerable

I finished reading Tipping the Velvet on Wednesday night after a long hiatus from the book. My dear friend, Jackie, recommended I read it because she loved it to pieces. Admittedly, it was quite shocking considering it’s the tale of lesbian lovers. I wouldn’t quite call this a masterpiece, but it’s a good piece of modern literature. Here’s a condensed summary (it’s a long summary and the book is semi-lengthy):

A classic picaresque, Tipping the Velvet chronicles the adventures of Nancy King, who begins life as an oyster girl whose fortunes are forever changed when she falls in love with a cross-dressing music hall singer named Miss Kitty Butler. When Kitty is called up to London, Nan follows as her dresser and secret lover. Before long, Nan dons trousers herself, and the two male impersonators become a celebrated pair of the stage. But when Kitty betrays her, a solitary, heartbroken Nan reinvents herself as a butch roue, navigating her way through London’s flourishing gay demimonde as she pursues her thrilling sexual education.

First off, sexual education? The summary says it so properly, but oh it’s not proper at all! Yet, I’d still recommend this book to anyone, but my mother, for all its plot.

Now, I’ve added a new third book to my current reads: The Phantom of the Opera. All three books are for school. Ack! Overwhelming, but fun. King Lear and A Thousand Acres parallel so well!! An older and a more modern take on the story. It’s promising. :]

J-school tomorrow. I should study tonight. Ack!

Ah, I made up a quiz and a test on Wednesday for AP English and AP Economics, respectively. I got an A- on the multiple choice and an A for the three free responses for AP Econ; I feel ecstatic.

Oh this has been such a bi-polar week. Rock bottom to a strange contentedness. I don’t question it.

Self pity’s meaningless.