I Need To Run Far Away

Your emotions are meaningless.

As I sat on the cold marble floor of my bedroom staring at the blood-stained towel not a single sound could be heard from me apart from the sniffles and the stifled cries. I try to cry out, but I’ve trained myself a little too well. Tears pour down my cheeks. They won’t stop. Why can’t I stop crying?

I picture myself at the beach on a freezing night in the dark, alone. I scream at the top of my lungs until I collapse on the sand. I want to end my life.

All I can think is that I will be composed and cool come Tuesday, when school resumes. Three-day weekends aren’t always so fun.

Tempting is the thought of calling someone. Anyone. But my training would interfere. I’d put on a fake smile and say, “Oh hey! I’m so sorry. I called you on accident.” The smile would fade and I’d be unable to say anything more. My lips are sealed shut. I can’t admit anything, ever.

Accumulation of emotion. I can’t… hold it in anymore. I need help. But don’t offer it, because next time you ask how I’m doing, my automatic response is, “I’m fine.” Really, I am not. I’m never fine. Never take that answer from anyone. Pretend you care and next time someone says they’re fine, ask them to elaborate. There’s always a story behind it.

I’ll just fade away now. I’m burning on the inside.

5 thoughts on “I Need To Run Far Away

  1. a friend of mine was feeling immensely depressed all the time before .. and now she’s been going to see a therapist for the past couple of months. she’s doing a hell of alot better. unfortunately we dont hang out anymore. but shes let me know how shes been and says her therapy has really helped her!

    you should try it.

    and i reeeeeeeeally genuinely wish everything gets better for you.

  2. Haven’t been here in a while. =P
    I love your writing. Did you used to have a green layout with the text over to the right?
    Hope you feel better… or is it just your writing? But I can totally picture you on the beach and crying into the sand. =]

  3. it seems that you’re kinda unstable….confused and really down..you’re sad but you dont wanna show people that side cuz you don’t want to drag people down also. you don’t want your problems to effect others cuz it’d make you feel guilty…

  4. heehee… little bri-chan… (i wish to pat you on the head~ ^.^)

    If you’re sitting there on the cold marble floor, or if you’re crying into the millions of grains of apathetic sand, always know that if you look up, I’ll be standing there with my hand outstretched towards you with a smile, saying, “daijobu-desu!”

    Here’s a little story!!

    There once was a little girl who went to church one day and felt that everyone was so cruel and indifferent to her and so she kneeled at a pew in the empty chapel and asked God, “why are you so cruel?? Why is it a sin to kill oneself if you know that by taking yourself away from the world, you would bring more happiness to everyone than if you were living… being a burden upon the earth??” She cried…
    She dried her tears, believing that no one would notice, and left. But upon leaving, people could tell, and asked, “why are your eyes so red?” she said that she was fine, and quickly walked away, thinking, “they wouldn’t understand…”
    But one person did understand~ A lady went up to the girl, and wouldn’t let her go~ knowing that by letting her go, she would be another one of those millions of grains of sand who pretend to be warm, but are really indifferent. She stopped her, and the little girl was allowed to cry and cry without telling the lady what was wrong, but the lady understood, and let her cry…

    Heehee~~ it hurts me more to see your dried tears than having you actually cry aloud~~ (i don’t know if you understand what i mean~~ hehe~~ haooooo) ^.^ Bri-chan! Your friends are always here for you~~

    I luv yoooo!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.