☂hiding inside the horrible weather

The title of this post deserves a really meaningful post, but I don’t yet know what words will come.

All I know is I’m super stressed. Everything sort of just slapped me across the face last night. And now, I’m overwhelmed beyond belief. Any good destressing ideas? I should google that. Oh, oh, but my i-net isn’t behaving well either. I can sign onto messengers just fine, but browsing sites is on a miracle-basis.

Breathe my spirit, breathe.

I’m almost done with Harry Potter 4. Then I have to re-read HP5 and 6, to prepare myself for the 7th book coming out on July 21st. I’ve made my summer reading list already:

  • One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey
  • To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
  • Complete Short Stories by Oscar Wilde

I made a forum for people that like literature… please join! (;

I’m going to edit this post later, promise. It’s been sitting open on my browser for like 3 hours.

Edit 7/2: I can’t seem to let go of this post. It’s destined for something emo… I just know it. I feel too closed off right now to make it worth anything, though. I’ll try:

I can’t get enough of Blindside these days. Nor can I get enough of My American Heart. I just don’t know if many people understand how much music affects me. Oh, I know Lindsey would understand, but I haven’t talked to her in ages and it’s feeling more and more like we’re never going to be close again. Do I mind? Part of me does, and the other half is sticking firmly to apathy. I hate these halfway days. I was so hyper today… nonstop laughing, joking, overly silly, and “happy.” I’m really not! I hate hate hate these halfway days.

In all honestly I enjoy being miserable because it brings me to a deeper place. Happiness keeps me level to the ground. It’s like digging your grave the deeper and more profound you get. I find that the more I understand myself the faster I dig and the further down I go. And yet, I don’t want to throw any dirt back in to fill the void. I like it deep, and I especially like it empty. Give me space, give me time, and leave me alone in the dark.

You’ve no idea how much I yearn to be at the beach, lying on the cool sand that smolders in heat during the day, at night, with the fresh cool breeze. By the sea, I can breathe. I can breathe. I want the waves to crash against my legs whilst I glance carelessly at the starless sky (it is SoCal after all). The moon has never shone so bright. Close your eyes, close your eyes. The dark feels so much better. Just scream. It counts so much more when there’s no one around.

I hate summer. Rainless days. I need water; it’s cleansing. Am I a fish out of water? Pisces, indeed.

Don’t you ever feel like glass
Fragile, hurting…

But when the fire is gone
Who are you?
What are you so scared of?

I want to know who I am.

Don’t you get it?
I made an attempt to piece it all together
And I’ve found your love lost in the sky
☂Hiding inside the horrible weather
We’ll watch it all come down

Always hiding.

I’ll simply end with these:

So I’ll throw my thoughts into the sea
Where no one will ever find
And your marvelous episodes of pain
Will very soon be mine

I can’t seem to shake this awful feeling.

5 thoughts on “☂hiding inside the horrible weather

  1. I’ve joined your beautiful forum, but there seem to be a lot of php errors floating around, inhibiting me from posting at all. I’ll keep checking though.

  2. Just wanted to say thank you for your kind words on my last post, having everyone empathise with how I was feeling really helped and I’m feeling more positive about things 🙂

    As for destressing I find the best thing is to come off the internet, turn off the tv and just be quiet for a little while. Maybe go for a walk and just take deep breaths. Things can get overwhelming at times and everyone needs some downtime.

    I really want to read To the Lighthouse too! I actually have it, my boyfriend gave me a copy a while ago and I keep meaning to get on to it!

  3. Great write 🙂
    I feel like fragile, hurting glass today. Love how you wrote that!
    I am in a halfway day of contradicting emotions, fine this morning, fine until I’m too tired to be and then I see it was all pretend anyway when I back alone, only to get further in to myself & this depression. Just like you say it is for you!
    God don’t you just hate having to pretend your fine because you know if you didn’t nobody would understand or care up to a point?
    Thanks for posting this, makes it a little better knowing I’m not the only person feeling this :)!
    xxx

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