For What It’s Worth

I’m sitting on my bed, laptop on my knees, and listening to music from my desktop. Desperately I want to cry, or prove my depression to myself. Perhaps I just want to get rid of all the negativity that’s accumulating inside. Please say you’ve loved me all along. Why must I be needy right now, of all times?

Tomorrow I have my Japanese midterm, but I’m honestly just hoping I know the material well enough that I don’t have to exert myself tonight and just sleep slightly earlier than usual. Monday really is my busiest nonstop day. Tuesdays, even though I only have one class, are no shorter. There’s just too much going on every single day. I’m glad for this upcoming three-day weekend in which I won’t have to suffer through my normal hectic Monday. [:

Complaints of violins become my only friends.

Why is it that I can make others laugh so easily, and yet the thoughts I have within are all depressing and only serve to make me miserable?

Life isn’t worth living.

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2 Comments

  1. I hate that, when you feel like having a breakdown but your body will not let you….
    Yeah I hate life too right now, it feels like a load of supressing bullshit.
    Nobody would even get depressed if we were not supressed by the worlds rules and idealizations. God knows we were not like this when we started out…
    There is nothing wrong with us; we can just see there is something wrong with the world, we feel like we do not belong because a part of us knows that nobody should belong to a place like this. I think depressed people disconnect themselves because they can see the world is messing them up – it is still messing up everyone else they just do not know it…
    I hope your midterm went well x!
    <3 Love.

  2. Hi =)

    LOL. Yeah. Its kinda nuts, huh? I guess we can help each other in the nonadvisey way seeing as our ‘inner’ lives are like mirrors of the others. So sorry if I advise you, which wow I do – I was just trying to focus on others, lol I have stopped doing that now because you are right it is kinda wacked. ha.
    I like talking to you because your the only person I have ever talked to that really knows how I feel, that understands every bit of me and is not ignorant to its meaning or apathetic to how I feel, I really like you in a strange way because basically you represent me but yet your still really interesting to me – I guess you are the part of me that I love lol. I think staying in for the last few days has just turned me into a crazy rambler who makes no sense. But I think what I say makes the most sense when it does not make sense at all, you know lol?
    I am pretty sure nobody can help me in the heal me kinda way, but you understanding does help me =). So thanks.
    Yeah I think I may be Bipolar, but my highs and lows come daily and not monthly, I think – I am still really blurred about stuff. I think I do not remember it on purpose…
    How do you know what type ypu are? What are the different types?
    When did you first think you had it?
    <3 love xox

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