DayNovember 14, 2007

Another Stage

So I’ve hit a hardcore stage of apathy. And I’m starting to panic, but as I do so I’m not doing anything to alleviate the problem. Yet, I feel really antsy right now, and very very very guilty.

I awoke this morning prepared to go to class, but come time for me to leave, I had absolutely no motivation to go anywhere. This apathy is somewhat like seclusion, except I’ve been talking to people a lot lately. At crazy hours. Well, not thaaat crazy, just not typical talking times…

So I got back home last night at 12:20 and Elizabeth and I had agreed to talk on the phone about a particular subject, which then turned into several topics (happiness, loneliness, random topics of a “profound” nature), and finally at 2am I said we both have to wake up early so we should just talk later. And oh, we shall.

The night before that it was Twinkie, but we talked longer than Elizabeth and I did, and until later (earlier?). Though I’m glad we talked it sucks so badly that 1. he’s in ze future time and 2. I’m talkative at retarded hours.

I’m seriously having some sleeping issues and it’s starting to annoy me. I mean, Monday morning I didn’t sleep until 4am… wtf. Sadly I wake up really early so sometime this week I’m just going to pass out from sheer exhaustion.

I do this every once in a while – turn apathetic. They’re like mental days of rest, except I just feel on edge and anxious and panicky all day long because I am fully aware that I’m not being responsible. It’s srsly keeeeeling me.

I feel like wringing my hands to show some sign of stress or worry, but currently it’s more a problem of … I can’t breathe. This overwhelming sensation is more than I can take.

Fuuuuck. I am glad for appointments. I need structure. I need to stay on track.

I can talk the talk, but I’m not fucking walking. Feeeeeel the stress.