Time Bomb

Random thoughts on a piece of paper while I was in Rona’s class earlier today:

It feels like pity perhaps.
Ah! This is like Mr. RudeMoodyPants all over again except that I’m not that weak anymore and I won’t constantly be discussing it. Was I on drugs for two years?! I honestly don’t know how he kept talking to me for that long. I would’ve blocked that shit asap-status! Hahaha…

ATM, I feel so silly and retarded. =\ How can I be so weak? Grr. Even the summer was much better. Why is the past both so clear, so blurry, and so much better and so much worse? I feel so confused.

I want to reread conversations. Sometimes it seems like I was the fucking crazy one. Honestly I cannot recall any single one of my conversations.

I got the strange urge to text message Eric H. this morning. Trying to think back I can only remember one or maybe two times… that day it was raining so hard, and we could barely hear each other talking even though I was yelling into the phone. It was lovely company. The other time I was in AP Psych when my cell went off. I got home an hour later than usual that day thanks to him. He called me as I was a block away from home, though, just to make sure I was OK. How very kind. Moments like those are just so strange and foreign to me now the way we talk to each other on AIM.

There’s a storm inside…

Text messages:

Me – I suddenly miss when we talked nearly every day after school. My junior year was the peak of our friendship. I wonder how people can grow so distant.

Eric H. – Lol. Wow. That’s really surprising… I thought you didn’t really care.

Me – Of course I do. It’s just hard to get the past back.

Eric H. – That’s why you build the future… I’ve seen so many bleak things today… Yet the future seems so promising. But yeah… Let’s start talking again sometime.

Me – Yeah. I completely agree we should start chatting again. Hm, I just find myself always living in the past, but I want that to change.

Eric H. – I’m really sick of power lvling on maple… 88 bandit… F3 but yeah… The past is gone, dwell on the future. It’s more promising than coming to a compromise for the past.

Me – Lol… I can’t believe you still play maple story. :p You’re right… I’ve got a lot to look forward to in life. Gah… I’m sitting in on my friend’s class (long story) and I didn’t even have any classes today.

WTF… I’ve been getting just a little too emotional lately. I’m feeling way too human. It’s disgusting.

Hm, I just called my mom a few minutes ago to ask her a simple question (wow, shouldn’t I know better?) and just before we hung up she throws in an insult. I feel just WONDERFUL about myself now.

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