It amazes even me that I don’t want anything for Christmas. Family members say, “Oh, what about —-?” And I say, “Oh, yeah… I guess I want that…” but I don’t really. I mean, I’ll appreciate any gift, and for maybe 16 of my 18 years of life I have gotten the most presents out of everyone in my family (including my brother!). One year I didn’t get gifts… (thank you mother), and the other, I just got out-numbered by the amount my brother got… gr. It’s not about quantity, but quality. It’s just the competition is fierce!

Anyway, I think the reason, in part, for me not wanting any gifts is that I feel I don’t deserve them. There’s too much self-loathing for me to want anything or receive anything. Depression is hindering me from even enjoying my favorite holiday. Eh, who cares. Just walk it off.

Superficiality begins (readers beware):

Wow, I looked so fabulous last night. Fabulous like celeb-status. Loooved it! Speaking of celebrities, I love how Lilo looks so normal these days. Her fashion sense is getting better, though she needs to stop wearing the same mothafuckin’ leggings every day. They’re not flattering. Her thighs are too big. Sadness. But seriously, she should spin it up a bit because she’s been wearing too much black. I still love her, though. Eva Green will always remain sexiest woman alive, to me. Ah, and Brad Pitt and Angie are such a sexy couple. As David said, “He got hotter after they became a couple.” Ain’t that the truth!

As I was packing last night to come home David and I were listening to old Britney Spears songs. ): Old Britney was so fabulous! Will she ever attain that level of respect again? A lot of people have relapses, but… when you’re in the constant spotlight it’s just so hard to get better after having gone so down…

Omg, Victoria Beckham is just absolutely fabulous. That woman knows how to dress. Seriously. I love how perfect and mannequin she looks. Gorgeous-status!! However, she is starting to get a little orange. It’s winter. Pale is in! She needs to stop tanning, forreal. Otherwise, I’m lovin’ her.

/end superficiality (but I meant every word… gotta love celebs, sometimes)

So yesterday. Wow, where to begin? Alright so I had my math final yesterday, but I was so hella out of it. I was crying all morning long, and I don’t even know what about. Okay, well I do know, but ehhh… anyway, I took my exam after and when that was over I went over to the MCC where David was supposedly working, though there was nothing for him to do, really. All of the AS offices and MCC are getting painted. Okay, anyway, I’m stalling. We were just chatting it up for a while. Earlier we had agreed to have a talk after I started crying on the fuxxing phone. It was way too intense. Anyway, we sat down on one of the couches where I began to tell him what was bothering me.

I tried my hardest to hide emotions, but David (seeing as he’s emotional and all) told me to just cry. I can’t keep suppressing memories and emotions like they just don’t matter. Alfredo told me, “You won’t be ‘over it’ until you no longer have to keep telling yourself that you’re over it.” True that. Anyway, yesterday was just stressful, I guess, considering I have to see mi madre this winter break and things between us are just so sketchy. Arghh!!! Whateverz.

So now I’m just chillin’ at my Auntie Maggie’s, except this winter break I’ll be staying with her twin, Auntie Meme. Shower power time. Oh for sure!


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