Some Honesty

Late night walks in the rain. Crying in bathroom stalls. Random calls to friends I think care (but I don’t want to believe they do).

I’ve already discussed the first one, so I’ll talk about the second one as I only have 25 minutes to write before it’s the next day.

After my last entry, I did indeed call Elizabeth. However, she was with her boyfriend and she sounded really happy, so I acted as if I called just to say hi or whatever. I could barely hold in my tears. People were everywhere and I didn’t know where to go. The Music building was nearby so I went into the girl’s bathroom and ran into the last stall. I sort of just threw my backpack down on the floor and I slid down next to it. My crying was uncontrollable. There seemed to be no reason for the crying and I honestly could not stop. After 30 minutes of crying, some people started coming into the restroom. Awkward. Very awkward. One girl came by the stall and upon seeing me sitting down on the floor inside the stall she asked, “Excuse me… are you okay?” I kindly replied that yes, thank you, I’m OK. Clearly, I wasn’t, but you don’t tell strangers this. What an unexpected answer that would be! What would she have done? Hm.

Anyway, I eventually called my Auntie Meme, and she tried cheering me up, but I don’t like laughing or getting “cheered up” when I’m sad, so I just kept on crying and told her I would talk to her later.

My mom and I have been talking a lot lately. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. I don’t know. I’m very tired and apathetic right now. From very depressed to apathetic; that’s hilarious.

It was raining really badly today. I’m going to go take a warm shower.

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