Morning. New day. Happy Easter!
I basically just got off the phone with Rob. You figure, talk to someone that will totally understand right? Well, yes… except I forgot our situations have one crucial difference! And not kidding when I say crucial difference. So instead of getting some kind of support, he’s trying to convince me of the opposite of what I currently believe. What’s worse is I want to believe him, and I easily could, but I’d be retarded to do that. Fo’ sho.
After that conversation I called Rona ‘cus I told her I would call her after I got back from dinner. I’m very tired and sleepy right now, but I tried to get a lot said rather quickly so not sure if I even made any sense… but in the end she threw in that she agrees more with “the original idea,” not Rob’s.
And now I am terribly confused.
The bad thing about talking to someone that knows you extremely well and that you know equally well is that you already know what they’re going to say… So I can’t call Elizabeth. It’d be like listening to an “I told you so,” without those exact words.
I just emailed Sakuragi-sensei, expressing concerns about Japanese… it’s like, yes… I really do want to take it and yes, I really do want to keep learning, but I know I shouldn’t. How can I be destructive and productive all at once?!
I didn’t take my pillz today… tomorrow will decide what I do. After about two days of no Lamictal and I probably have to start over again, and since I’m on spring break that’s not until I see my psychiatrist… when I go back to school.
Oh, the timing… it really sucks. As it is I can’t contain my anger around my mother. Today I literally had to walk the fuck away because I couldn’t stand her anymore. I wanted to stab her, and I twittered, “I want to punch that bitch in the face.” This week will not end well. I cannot spend this much time with my mother. We cannot be in each others’ presence for more than a day. And then there’s all the stress from schoooool… Lmao, yessss… perfect time to make my life worse.
Welcome back, bi-polar. ):