Omg. Omg. Just… omg. Why is everyone around me doing so much growing? Why do I notice everyone else’s improvements and how they’re maturing into amazing adults? (Hopefully that will at least help me become a better psychologist, but newaiz) I feel like I’m stuck in one moment in time, and I’m not going anywhere (except maybe ocassionally down).
At some point I need to stop focusing on other people and start worrying about myself. Comparisons do me no good, that’s for sure. I’m so bored with myself. Aren’t these things supposed to come naturally? And by these things I mean maturity, life experience, self-improvement, etcccc.
I miss talking to Ryan. Last I left him he was extremely silly, without a care in the world. Now he’s done with school, is deciding between two possible jobs in his career of choice, and I can tell he’s grown.
If only there were a way of capturing my essence into a bottle. And five years from now I could open it and compare myself only with myself. Maybe only then will I be able to recognize I’m not getting worse at life… or maybe I am. lmao.
What is up with me & Elizabeth? A sad realization has come to mind, or my memory is broken. I think my memory just recently “reset” because I can barely remember anything we ever talked about, ever. Same with a few other people. I hate memory resets.
It’s like none of it ever happened.