I feel calm. Normal. Sane. Everything appears to make sense. Clarity of mind, I will call it.
Today was an amazing day back. Spring break has begun well. I can only hope that this thought/feeling lasts a while. For the sake of simplicity I’m just going to paste what I told Matt:
(10:14:34 PM): how’s your day been
xportraitbruise (10:15:14 PM): it was amazing.
10:15:25 PM): what happened
xportraitbruise (10:16:36 PM): a really great first day back. I enjoyed my classes, the aspb meeting went very well, i ate breakfast&lunch alone (and it just felt sort of good… time to reflect, be independent), finished the book, and i got veryveryvery excited during philosophy 100a.
(10:17:19 PM): yeah
(10:17:21 PM): why excited
xportraitbruise (10:17:53 PM): I might have mentioned in the summer when I took an intro to ethics philosophy class? well, phil 100a is an ethics class.
(10:18:07 PM): yeah, i vaguely recall it
xportraitbruise (10:18:09 PM): and then you know, i had that ethics freshman seminar fall quarter.
xportraitbruise (10:18:30 PM): I just… I don’t know, love the vagueness of it all.
xportraitbruise (10:18:51 PM): Yet, it’s applicable to everything…
(10:19:10 PM): lmao
xportraitbruise (10:19:13 PM): I genuinely felt excited to be sitting there in the class.
(10:19:15 PM): kinda like astrology!!!
xportraitbruise (10:19:19 PM): oh stfu
(10:19:21 PM): you’re crazy
xportraitbruise (10:19:40 PM): You know, class typically means work, or a boring lecture.
xportraitbruise (10:19:50 PM): but… it was like a breath of fresh air
xportraitbruise (10:20:02 PM): strange, yes, but that’s OK.
(10:20:12 PM): nah, that’s not strange, i can appreciate that
xportraitbruise (10:20:55 PM): the only sad thing is that i’m not taking japanese this quarter. for academic and very logical reasons i know i shouldn’t. i can’t handle. things will get more stressful.
xportraitbruise (10:21:40 PM): I stopped by the classroom at 1pm (when I was going to take it with my friends) and just chatted it up with them before they went in to class. It’s very sad.
(10:23:44 PM): don’t overthink it, or something
(10:23:57 PM): what’s sad about dropping a class you’re not doing well in
xportraitbruise (10:24:25 PM): No, that’s the thing, I was doing fine. It was everything else that went downnnhill.
(10:24:54 PM): well you stressed about that class more than a little
(10:25:00 PM): so it’s for the best
xportraitbruise (10:25:48 PM): Yes, of course it’s for the best… that’s why I’m not taking it. I convinced myself to do what would most benefit me… and not do what I most enjoyed.
xportraitbruise (10:28:16 PM): I feel strangely sane, normal, and have a foreign clarity of mind. But with it comes a strange fear that I know it’s not going to last.
Tomorrow is the first day of April. The theme for the month is Letters. I can hardly wait.