The Missing Day

I just woke up from a two hour nap. Yesterday I slept for 20 hours.

In continuation from yesterday’s blog, here’s the email my mother sent me after not one but two telephone calls in which she was rude:

I love you because you are my daughter. But I don’t like your attitude and for that reason I think is best that we stay away from each other.

Note that she only loves me because she is obligated to. What kind of mother says that besides a fucked up one? If I hadn’t been crying at least once a day for a week now I would probably cry now, but who the fuck cares anymore. No one loves me. Yadda yadda. Complaining does get old after a while.

Now I’m going to type up what I wrote in my moleskine earlier today.

Monday night at around 11 pm I took three alprazolam (xanax) for no reason whatsoever. It’s supposed to help with anxiety I think. Who knows/cares. Anyway, shit knocked me out ’till noon on Tuesday. I was awake for two and a half hours and decided the day was too shitty to experience it. So then I took two quetiapine (seroquel) (this was approximately at 2:30 pm). The next time I woke up it was past 7, almost 8 pm. If I remember correctly. By then it was too late to attend my math section and too late to go to the Program Board movie. So I did what I could – took pics o’ the day and went back to sleep.

Rona never called me for breakfast that day even though I kept semi-waking up and checking my phone (even while under ze influence of pillz). She didn’t call until 2-ish (when I was crying), but by then I had already eaten something and was preparing to sleep.

Anyway, when I finally did wake up @ 10-ish, maybe, Carina IMed me to see if I wanted to go with her to Berrilicious. As I hadn’t had too much to eat I was hungry and said Yes! Hm, but I’m not fan of Berrilicious. Instead I got a cookiewich from IV Drip, and a toasted bagel. Delicious! Well, the bagel was ehh but those cookiewiches – omg! ♥ Best thing ever. ^.^

Afterward, Carina came to my room to get some music from my computer. Everyone does. It sucks, though, because all my music no longer fits on my iPod. =\ And I hate having to exclude or pick ‘n’ choose. That defeats the purpose of having a wide variety of music.

Wow, I’m rambling. Anyway point blank, my Tuesday pretty much did not exist. I don’t know how to feel about having lost a day. Maybe I’m okay with it. Though, I still feel drowsy and numb. The numb part is okay, but drowsiness makes speaking aloud a very difficult task.

Should Program Board offer me the position of web-master then I think I will politely refuse the offer.

I could so easily go back to sleep now. A nap under the sun. My mind is everywhere and nowhere. No emotions, no thoughts, but plenty of observations.

He looks lost. Maybe he is. I know I am.

Alright, well there are two more pages to type, but whatever. Summary of those two pages: Carina might be bi-polar, too. I want to fall into a coma. Andddd… I keep wondering who left that comment in the entry below.

In any case to NONE and Steve, thank you. You guys are great. (:

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