MonthJune 2008

And I Won’t Lie.

Yeah, I won’t lie… I don’t really feel like writing an entry today. There isn’t much to say. Today was fun. I mean yannoe… that’s kinda boring/plain/typical… etc. I was a lil’ busy doing some stuffs until I realized it’s almost midnight and I have yet to blog. Though I have gone exactly half the year… and only missed one post! That’s something, I think.

Truth be told… I’m really sleep. Lack of sleep is making me look like death. And why I’m not asleep right now when I know I have to wake up in a few hours, I don’t know.

ASPB meeting today was sooo chill and awesome. Wow I remember the total transition from “Wtf is ASPB?” to “I’m not sure I like ASPB” to “I hate ASPB with all my guts” to “Holy shit I love ASPB!” … weird. I’m in love with it… gives me something to do and helps me fulfill some of my life dreams fo’ sho. Not everyone gets to attend bomb ass meetings to decide what bands you want to play at your school? And for the summer I get to pick ‘n’ choose what movies I want to play for free at IV Theater to all the college kiddies. And I get paid to do this. What more could I want from my college years?

Oh! I get the keys to my apartment on Wednesday! S’pretty tight, I guess. Looking forward to that~ Though I have to go back home on Wednesday afternoon… and stay home until Friday/Saturday when I can bring all my shit to SB. Wow, I love being my own person free of any restrictions imposed by ze mother.

Hopefully this is coherent… I’m so sleepy. ): I think going to sleep is like wasting my day… and even when I sleep typically I wake up 5-6 hours later so it also gives the appearance that I’m constantly awake. Uh, I don’t know how that’s relevant to anything but I’m just so tired…

Zzz…

Thx for the reminder Steven-bb. Ilu.

There’s nothing more I enjoy out of a conversation than those that produce some thought. Reveal insight. And that’s why I love talking to Steve. Though he’s not always very nice. ): But anyway, enough about that guy.

I’m going back to UCSB Monday and Tuesday for the meeting and free aspb movie, respectfully. Ah… why do I love aspb so much now? Hah, figures.

There isn’t much to say really.

Uh… been playing on Aelyria a lot lately. ^_^;; I can’t believe I stopped playing for nine months. It’s too fun… and addicting. xD;

Yeah this is an awful post. And I’m not even going to bother finding a pretty image to cover it up.

Devoid of makeup and I like it.

To notice when you’re leaving me without any sounds.

My lovely Ryan told me a few days ago about the new HP TouchSmart. I mean anyone that knows me should know how much I love HP and as many of my tech products as possible are from Hewlett Packard. They just make really good quality PCs at affordable prices. My PCs are probably always going to be HP as I see no better company to supply me with amazing goodness (bcus I’m lame and don’t feel comfortable building my own PC).

Alright, here’s a really amazing video of the new PC I’m talking about:

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=173fPhCyXHE[/youtube]

Just look at that hand… so sensual. Do you wanna touch? You gotta admit that song is way damn catchy. It’s such a pleasure watching it! Though the specs are hard to find on the site they’re not that bad actually except for the FSB which is kinda … slow. ): Aside from that it has plenty of hard drive space, a good graphics card, and you know… it’s sexy. Though people that have already used them say your hands might get tired unless you use it standing up, but if it comes down to it it still has a standard keyboard and mouse. The product is not yet available, but you can call to reserve one (except the HP site says Sold Out). Call to inquire.

Alright I’m still having some mother issues, but really I’m trying so damn hard to push it out of my mind. Just one more week, only one~! Thanks for the comment on LJ Lindsey-darling, and thanks Charles! People keep saying they read my blog on the daily, but it’s too personal to comment most days… oh, you people~ that’s okay.

There’s a book I want to look into reading called No One Cares What You Had For Lunch: 100 Ideas For Your Blog. It was recommended by Cardiogirl on her blog. The Amazon reviews give nothing but positive feedback and I’ll probably go take a look at it at Borders soon before deciding whether or not it’s purchase-worthy or even applicable to my blog.

For anyone that has Netflix and an Xbox 360 (and a Media Center PC while you’re at it) you may be interested in turning your Xbox 360 into a Streaming Netflix Player. In case you didn’t know, you can link your PC to your 360 and since on Media Center you can use a program to view your Netflix Instant Movies on there… it’s simply a matter of connecting all the dots. (:

Enough product placement! I dun get paid to do this!

(The title of this blog entry reflects what I’m really feeeeelin’, but I don’t have words to explain that.)

Wanted was fucking brilliant~ btw! Wait, is this more product placement? Damn. Anyway, loveloveloved it. Go watch it now. (: Oh heyyy and can someone do me a favor and make a renaissance-period movie? Plz? ilukthxbai.

Dance with nobody.

This is my life.

I can’t breathe. And I can’t stop crying. I was cradling my body, rocking back and forth, but I can only do that for so long before the thoughts start flooding in. So desperately I want to die. Why do I always have to be blamed for everything? Why does she always yell at me, insult me, blame me, as if everything were my fault? Please please, I just want to die. I can’t stand being this miserable. Right now I could break everything in sight to feel better, but that wouldn’t do me any good in the end. I’m trying to breathe. I’m trying to breathe.

Reasoning with myself isn’t working.

I wish my mother loved me. I wish I had a father.

I’m trying to think positively. Nothing’s coming to mind. I’m trying to remember my lists, things I enjoy, things in life I appreciate – all of it worthless. Remember: tomorrow’s a new day.

Sleep, that’s what I need. Sleep.

I don’t know what to do.

God, help me.