MonthJuly 2008

Strong Intent On Dropping Me Back Down

A little more depression. Spending time with boardies today helped a little.

Restrictions by Merrit Malloy:

[S]he thinks ‘being strong’
is holding back
and hiding our feelings
when ‘being strong’ has always been
letting go and allowing our feelings
to be
Internal bleeding is
always more
…Even joy becomes a burden
when you can’t

Kayleigh let me read a book of poetry by Merrit Malloy she owns today while we were chillin’ at Anisqo’yo park. It was nice just spending the afternoon with boardies. *yawns* Technically we were “working” – we had an event: Open Mic, but it was mostly just us hanging around while some people sang, read poetry, played instruments, etc.

Mm, I have “work” again at 9… Security for the Magic Lantern movie. I did it yesterday night as well and after everyone was inside I got to watch the movie. Lulz. Such a chill job. ASPB rox my sox. (:

My mom came by earlier to drop off some stuff for me. Ugh, she basically came for an hour, transferred as much negative energy as possible and left. UGHHHH. That woman kills me. All she does is complain and talk shit about as many people as possible. Seriously. WTF.

@violetmae just twittered about some site Now Do This. Talk about super simple and cute!! I love it~

I constantly like to reason things emotionally. Badddd. It’s been a while since I last wrote in my moleskine. That’s what I should do when I get back from work at midnight. Hmhmhm.

Lately I just barely even have time to eat… and yeah my jeans were a little bit looser but I didn’t really pay much attention… but then a few days ago I put on a pair of jeans that are a size smaller and uh they fit. Yey? Haha… not exactly planned weight loss but whatever. I dun care. xD;

It’s been getting harder and harder to keep talking with Elizabeth. I call her during the little free time I have or in the minutes between when I’m walking to class. =\ This weekend I’ll definitely try to call her … Ack and last night when I got back from work and I was doing homework Eric wanted to call me but I had to be all, “Nuuuuh, hwwww!” and I feel kinda bad (even if we mostly always talk about the same subject and he annoys me most days).

Blame it on bad luck and shake responsibility.
Do you ever wake up to realize your life is meaningless?

Tralalala. Hey love, I miss you<3

Before The Lights Turn On

Ok… well. Hello, depression.

It had to happen eventually. Happiness is fleeting. Yannoe… just got to wait it out. Wait for tomorrow. Tears in the fabric of my routine. I can’t stray. Just one more week. *sigh* (That’s technically not true… it’s more like 4 more weeks with session F… but can’t think too far in advance or I’ll break down)

The last thing I need right now is loss of vigor. I need it…

Randomly I’d like to say I love my twin’s blogging style. Mad props Victorialee(: Reading her entries inspires me to become a better writer even if her entries are just the mad ramblings of a growing woman. Much Looove to her, man. Seriously.

There are a million things I need to be doing right now. With no motivation to be found. ):

My mother is coming over this weekend… good thing/bad thing? I’m unsure. A little scared, maybe. Things could turn badly so quickly.

So far TODAY three people I follow on Twitter have complained about not being at Comicon. I like noticing trends. Just like everyone was twittering about Dr. Horrible. (Still have no idea who that is or why it’s so cool…)

/end rambling. This is most uninteresting.

Show Me Your Love

The entries are coming too soon… After seven months of blogging every single day and now that I’m so busy I just don’t feel I have the time to blog nor the energy.

Emotions running rampant.

Earlier today I was recalling a memory and even though I was alone in my apartment, sitting on the couch, it was one of those thoughts that make you really shy and embarrassed. It made me want to hide under a blanket, close my eyes, and cover my ears with my hands. Hate when that happens.

Mm, wow… so earlier I allowed myself a fifteen minute nap because I was just so very tired and sleepy and I fell asleep instantaneously. =\ I’ve been pretty exhausted lately. I studied some more and then headed off to my class… and as I was walking out I almost tripped. *sigh* It felt like my mind was shutting down and so I immediately went to go get a Vanilla Latte from Starbucks.

Gimme more than 6 hours of sleep and days shorter than 12-15 hours. *cries* Some days I even almost don’t have time to eat or am so busy I forget. Occasionally it just feels like I’m going to collapse on the ground from lack of rest and nutrition.

Eh… have some hw to finish before I sleep.


Week two. I’m not as stressed, but it is crunch time. Just this week and next left and then I’m done with Session E. I have to say I’m doing quite well in Japanese, getting excellent marks and such. (: It certainly is intense, but the good thing is it’s hard to forget the material when you’re quizzed every single day (forreal). Keep up with the pace.

I have another quiz in Ital 114X tomorrow and I’m a bit nervous… but I’ll definitely be studying from 12 to 4 before class. Though I can proudly say tomorrow that I have read Inferno by Dante. And then move on to Purgatorio. Yeeahh. (:

Mm, showed another movie at IV Theater today. ‘Twas good. Wish Publicity would do more advertising, though. And heyyy I get paid to go watch a movie every week – who doesn’t love that? (: $25 for 2.5 hours. Boooomb. Hahaha. I love AS Program Board.

There are two quizzes tomorrow for me. Probably I should be doing homework or studying at the very least. My mind is definitely elsewhere at the moment. Mainly been doing a lot of writing in my spare time. Yey for that. Staying off ze i-nets has been different, if anything.

I could not help but notice a serious lack of depression lately. This makes me incredibly happy, but a lil’ weary, too… that this is the calm before the storm. *shrugs* Let’s just hope I’m on the happier side of the spectrum for some time to come. Er… though I’m noticing I’m just a bit more apathetic that I’d like, and a little bit more cruel (it’s not that noticeable to others as I keep it under wraps), but still. That’s just the way my brain balances me out then I guess.

Today Ryan S. was discussing blindness, color blindness, etc. before the movie began and we had an interesting debate… but it need not be retold. Needless to say my interest is piqued and I think I’ll be learning something of color theory in color blind people in Philosophy of Mind fall quarter. (;

There is much to do!! *runs off to multi-task*