DayAugust 19, 2008

Barely Tuesday?

So all day today I’ve been cracking my knuckles, and feeling really itchy. Itchy on my arms, face, legs, stomach, neck, back, and I can’t even seem to stop this antsy feeling. UGHHH. I’m thinking I’m feeling stressed, but this is beyond ridiculous. There’s nothing to stress about!!! There’s this constant feeling of being on edge like I’m about to take an exam. Maybe it’s because Japanese is over on Friday and we have both an oral interview and our final that day. Oh, not to mention a vocab quiz tmrw and a kanji quiz Thursday. But whatever… I’ve had a quiz everyday for the past 5 weeks. So it’s uh… nothing new? WHAT THE FUCKKKKK.

I guess I’ve been so wrapped up in my life I forgot my aunt Elvia’s birthday is coming up on the 25th. Hell, I barely even know what day it is anymore. The days have been ~FLYING~ by (except this week of course… *cries*). The last time I looked at the calendar it was like … the 12th or something like that. How the hell is it the 19th already?

Anyway, Meme called me today saying we are celebrating El’s birthday at some hotel in Downey on Saturday. I wasn’t planning on going back home until the 12th of September (because I have a tea party (yes, forserious) and the Nightwish concert on the 13th)… but RIGHT NOW I just remembered my mother’s birthday is on the 11th. Holy shitttt man, where is my memory?

My body feels sort of shaky as I’m typing this and I kinda just want to uh CRY. o_o; What’s the source of my stress? I thought I knew, but I guess not? UGHHH living day by day sucks real bad. It provides no analysis for my stress… *tries to get calm but still wanna cry* WHERE ARE THESE EMOTIONS COMING FROM?!

I guess I can’t keep ignoring my emotions… that sillyyyy lil’ word that actually means something. There’s NO TIME for fuckin’ introspection. *panics* OKOKOK Whatever… I need to get over this anxiety and just breathe. Go to work, watch a fun movie, and relax. WOAH my hands ARE shaking. HAHAHA…. okay.

Well……. whatever. WALK IT OFF… o_o;

Tbh, I don’t want to go back home. *cradles self* I really don’t. I can’t remember how my mother and I left off… good terms/bad terms? UGH damnit I hate my fucking awful memory. I just know that one time she came to drop shit off she was here for only an hour and then couldn’t stand being here and left… *shrugs* I think we sent each other emails a few times since then? Oh, I called her one time about a health-related question. Thankfully I asked Meme if I could stay with her and she agreed but then said only for a few days (I’ll be done with summer school by Friday). That made me feel pretty bad and then I kinda didn’t want to go anymore… She elaborated and said Mary and I don’t get along. Our personalities are too similar and we just dun get along. And oh yeah, she’s pregnant… meaning more grouchy than usual.

:cry: Help.