Nobody’s Here With You

A little admittance of emotion.

But first I need to ask myself a question: WHY does Circa’s Your Friends Are Gone make me cry every single mother fuckin’ time it plays? The song was nearly over and I was just staring into space, seemingly unaffected… but then he started singing, “And you were barely holding on…” and the tears start falling down just like that. Sometimes I break into really hard sobbing, sometimes I’ll get teary-eyed, or like now, just plain ol’ crying.

When I cry (as the song plays) I’m not at all thinking about fall quarter of my first year of college at all, even though the song totally matches what happened during those really hard times. Thinking back, it makes me angry. And I want to hate David and Sandy so badly. Why am I friends with them now? When I needed them so much I didn’t have them there to support me.

Omgomg, I’m listening to my crying playlist aren’t I? I stopped crying, but next song and I’m crying again. The SONGS make me cry just because they sound so sad/have sad lyrics, but they’re not in any way connected with the thoughts in my head. Idgi. :/

Alright let me get right to the point of this entry. Uhh… hm, now it’s awkward. After crying I always have no emotions left. Lmao. WTH. I feel like dancing now… It’s like my heart freezes over and I can feel the cruelty inside me growing. That’s a strange feeling, but I can just SENSE my cruelty.

It’s really hard watching two people be happy… but only when you really like one of them. I just have to accept that they have something that I’ll never have with that person. How can their relationship have started off the same as mine and ended up better than mine? Some people are meant to be together, I guess.

You tried to help me, but I have to drown.

And another thing – one of my friends is stealing my personality. *sigh* She says she likes feeling small, and she’s starting to act all extra cutesy. I was doing something and she got a text from the guy she’s dating. He asked her what she was doing and she texted him what I was doing because it was cute…

Stop making such a fuss. You might think I’m cutesy, but I’m still the one all alone. (OH GROSS. Totally admitting some emotions. It’s making me nauseous forserious.)

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