Let’s Have a Heart to Heart

With the coming of the colder season my happiness evanesces into the air. Already I can feel the slow trickling of depression creeping into my being. The feeling is not pleasant.

What’s my rule? Don’t break routine.

Breaking routine leads to a multitude of negative repercussions. It all started when I took that first sip of coca-cola. Okay, wait a minute. That’s a little melodramatic. So first I went home and then I got comfortable and didn’t want to come back to school so I stayed two days longer than I should have. This literally shattered my life as I knew it (or it will for a while anyway). Suddenly there was an option I hadn’t considered this quarter yet: I can miss class, and it’s no big deal. Wrong. This week I’ve only attended select classes (and if I felt like going even). Then I decided three months and 21 days of no soda was a long time so I went ahead and had some. Another break in structure, however minuscule it may seem. Small changes like this allows within me lesser expectations. If there are lesser intrinsic expectations my motivation will falter, and my motivation is always somewhat lacking.

Routine is not to say that I don’t do spontaneous things; I do. It’s more my way of keeping myself on track. There are certain responsibilities I need to adhere to and if for one day I don’t, I’m allowing a leniency my “self” can’t handle.

So what are my responsibilities?

  • Attend class. (I’m attending Japanese, jogging, and Phil of Mind. Stats and Health Psych, as predicted, I’m not in the mood for)
  • Study. (Only doing for Phil of Mind, religiously)
  • Complete homework. (Japanese CHECK. Phil of Mind CHECK. Stats CHECK. Health Psych (hw = reading) NOT DOING.)

So I’m only partially slacking off but it’s enough to make me feel off-balance, like I’m not doing it right, whatever IT may be. And looking at it I’m not even juggling an astounding list of responsibilities either. What’s the deal?

A recent development: I’ve come to terms, and even now enjoy, spending time in the comforts of only myself. There’s something calming about not having to talk, no pressures in keeping up a conversation, the freedom to come and go as I please, etc. I naturally reach out for people but very often schedules conflict and so who’s always there? Me, of course! Yesterday I did some more just-me Bri time and I finished another novel. (Unless I read the Twilight series I don’t think I’ll reach my goal of 12 books this year. So far I’ve only read 6 with two months to go.)

Speaking of two months, it’s funny how quickly time passes isn’t it? Hey life! I don’t appreciate the daily reminders. Quit it already!

Hm, is retreating into myself really what I need right now? Forgive my lacking social skills as of late; winter’s coming. Bri Bear does need to go hide in her den for a while.

(This was sort of choppy wasn’t it? OH WELL~)

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