If This Means Anything At All

I’m home. And I’d like to give a run-down of my days so far! [Bad memory and all… got keep track somehow!] There is nothing introspective or depressing about this entry, swear. Hahaha.

Tuesday, Anna, Gloria and I drove down from Santa Barbara to Downey. We left at 4pm… and got home at 8. A typical two hour drive turned into four with all the traffic! It seriously took an entire hour to get out of Santa Barbara. We’d get excited if we went at 20 mph. It was awful. And what’s worse is that I didn’t have any headphones for my iPod and Santa Barbara stations are the worst eeeever.

That led me to want to start my own radio station. Okay so ideas of grandeur right? Well, not so much. I tweeted about it and people threw a ton of suggestions my way from podcast to streaming internet radio to… joining KCSB! That’s UCSB’s own radio station, and after a quarter of training you get your own show! The thought makes me all giggley and excited! I’m not sure if I’d do it any time soon… probably I’d go look to see if they’d train me Spring quarter and then possibly start in the summer. ^_^ Ahhh! Okay to be realllly honest, even though my voice totally sounds like a little kid’s I’ve always wanted to be on the radio… *dies* Hehehe.

So soon as I got home, my Mom told me my little brother had been waiting for me for a few hours… ♥ He and I went into the pool together and just swam and chilled for an hour. While I was having fun I absolutely had to watch Fringe, which was freaking brilliant!! Anna and I were texting each other about it ahahaha.

Wednesday I woke up at 7:30am automatically. ): No idea why, but anyway got ready for my day and lalala. Then Vy called and we decided to go to the movies at 10am! Haha. It was way early, and I don’t think I’ve ever been to the movies at that time before. I dragged my little brother out so he could get out of the house~ and we all had fun! We watched Four Christmases! It was soo soo cute and funny. Reese Witherspoon is completely adorable! Hm, but I’m not so sure about Vince Vaughn. They gotta stop greenlighting romantic comedies with him, tbh. He ain’t good lookin’ that’s for freaking sure. But I guess he plays the role well (oh ya ‘cus he acts the freaking same!)

Then hahah… goodness I always want pho 24/7 and none of us had eaten yet so we went to go get pho! Elizabeth, my darling precious, joined us, too!! It was the first time my little brother tried pho and he liked it!! I’m really glad for that, hah. It means he and I can go some other time, too… Hahaha. Geezus why is pho so addicting? >>;

Afterward we went back to the new house and I gave them the grand tour. Then… we pretty much hung out watching TV for a while, chatting, etc. Some time around 6:30 we decided to get into the pool and then the jacuzzi. We did that for a few hours, and had tons o’ fun. Around 10pm David joined us and we chatted with him for a while. Vy hadn’t seen David for like 2 years…! Yeah, it’s sort of hard to get a hold of David because he’s always off “saving the world” doing something or other OR stalking the Jonas Brothers with Chita and Piale. No joke on that. He knows where they live ahahaha… creepy! xD

Thursday! Thanksgiving!! This time I awoke at 7am. *groans* I’m going to bed at around midnight-ish and still waking up at 7. It’s pretty ridiculous, but I suppose I’m making the most of my day. ^_^ I won’t bore myself or anyone else with the whole “this is what I am thankful for” stuffz. I know what I’m thankful for and that is more than enough.

After showering and whatnot I finally got a chance to play Fallout 3! My brother finished the main quest so damn fast -_-; And since I don’t have much time nor motivation to play video games anymore I figured I might as well wait to come home to play it than buying my own. It’s fun fun fun! Sort of. Some parts of the game are sort of boring and eh… I got a stupid bug like 30 minutes into the game. That was lame. So I had to keep reloading it (I refused to start over and make a new character). That was frustrating and killed my vigor for a while. And the whole time I couldn’t help but to think, “Wow this is exactly like Oblivion.” Just starting off you’re in a sort of ‘prison’ and exit from the underground tunnel exactly like Oblivion. *sigh* Couldn’t they get any more creative? And the quests are pretty much really similar just with different words and graphics, but saaame concept. Even from Morrowind to Oblivion I didn’t feel like I was playing the same game. >_< Mm, but it’s pretty fun. Though, my characters in most games are always mages! (Lol, reminds me of Ryan’s text message… ‘that’s just what you do’) Yeah… and there’s no magic in the game. *dies* I’m really into uh… aiming from a distance so I dun die. But … since I don’t like to use that starting bat too much on people (it’s reserved for animals since they die faster that way)… I run out of ammo. ): That’s no fun. In Oblivion I’m always a Breton under the sign of the Mage so my MP always just refills automatically. I’m not used to having to *find* weapons or running out of what Fallout 3 calls Action Points.

Anyway, afterward I got some really nice text messages from peeps and figured I should probably text people, too! So I sent a nice text message to some select friends and it was nice getting the replies back! (: For some ~strange~ reason I thought to text Eric H. xD The last time we talked we were arguing on Facebook (hahahaha) but I always just get over shit. *shrugs*

Then family arrived!! (: We had dinner at like 6pm and everything was delicious!!! The coditos George made were my faaaavorite! And surprisingly, in second, was the ham El made. o_o I don’t like ham and I even *hate* bacon. So woahhh~ Surprise there. To be honest I didn’t have any turkey… hahaha. I’m not too big on meat. xD That’s another reason I was surprised I really enjoyed the ham, but it was so flavorful! And the bread rolls… *oh my godz* Haha, I cannot wait to wake up tomorrow and have leftovers. (:

So for a few hours I was away from my phone pretty much because I was around the house reading Snow Country or hanging with my little brother. But eventually I came back to my cell and found that Eric had texted me, much to my surprise. So I texted him back, whatever… and then hahaha he called me. I didn’t really want to answer the phone >> but that was awkward because I’d *just* texted him so clearly I was by my cell. Tbh, I’m not always big on talking on the phone. It requires a lot of energy and often (but not always) you have to sound really cheerful and enthusiastic. But I’m digressing. We chatted for a while and then he suggested we hang out. I almost died. Since I was in a good mood I agreed, and didn’t even hesitate. Only after was I panicking and going zomgz whyy? xD (He usually gets on my last nerve)

So he came over, and I introduced him to the family. That was awkward~ especially since my ex-boyfriend’s name is also Eric. *cringes* It was just weird. I half-heartedly gave him a tour of the house because of the awkward-ness. He brought me a gift, too. xD Hahaha. Anyway.

We chatted for a while (he does most of the talking actually… and he kind of never stops talking unless you stop him). It came up that neither of us had seen Quantum of Solace and so he asked if I wanted to go. By this time, dinner was over and I was totally down. (: So we went and uh… well, to be honest the movie was just OK. It didn’t astound me, that’s for sure, but it wasn’t boring either.

Then we got back to the house and since I had no idea what to do or even talk about I suggested we play video games. Haha. Despite the fact that there are FIVE PS3s in the house I barged into my little brother’s room (lulz) and asked if we could chill with him. So I had the little dog Perlita in my lap, asleep, and the two of them played CoD: WoW while I just watched.

After an hour of that he finally left. *sigh* I don’t know… I felt awkward because I’m pretty sure my family thought it was a date. WAS NOT! >_< He and I were really close when I was in 11th grade. Now we’re just friends… except he annoys me more often than not, but he’s still a friend.

After he left I joined mother and Aunt El in the jacuzzi. Ugh, they made some jokes about me going out and stuff… *dies* It was so freaking awkward. But!!!!!!

A few good things came from the jacuzzi hang. I found out that for my 21st birthday El and I are going to travel… for 10-ish days to anywhere in the world, any location of my choosing! ^_^ Sweet deal or sweet deal? I KNOW RIGHT!!!!!! They totally figured I’d want to go to Japan, but for some reason I’m sort of over it.

I have always loved European architecture and not gonna lie the first place that came to mind was Italy. And so El said she wouldn’t mind going to Italy and France (even though she’s been to the latter, she’s okay going again hahaha). *feels so freaking excited* Okay, it’s totally more than a year away, but I can start thinking up the itinerary. This is *huge*! She’d totally have to take off days from work…! (She just said she can’t go during May, June, or July because that’s cherry season – but most likely I’ll want to go during March or April nearer to my actual birthday).

Also, Mom suddenly doesn’t feel up to going shopping tomorrow because of the crazy rush but she’s still going to give me $500 if I want to buy anything. Gahh… there are a whole bunch of LITTLE things that I NEED but then she suggested something like if I wanted a bigger TV… and now I don’t know!!! Gah. I mean, I don’t *need* one that’s for sure… but it’d be nice to have!! xD I sort of just want a 32″ for my apartment. Gah… what do I want?

  • Victoria’s Secret shopping~ (Totally totally want~)
  • Winter jackets!!!! Cute warm ones~
  • DVDs
  • iPod classic (but I may get this for Christmas)
  • Graphics card for my PC (always torn… I don’t *really* play video games on my PC besides The Sims 2 but it’s nice to have the option for more graphics intensive demanding games)
  • Clothes
  • Socks (yes, forreal I want socks… xD)
  • Diamond earrings
  • PS3 (I would be able to buy Blu-ray DVDs finally and gah… play videogames)
  • Booooks

Hahah… argh… I’m tempted to spend a lot of money on a lot of little things… but then… I mean I can get all those little things for Christmas (Considering my alloted money I’m considering a new iPod as a little thing, yes). I am so so so torn!

And gahhhh… stupid me, I looked at Costco.com and then I saw pictures of diamond earrings… *sigh* I really do love diamonds… That was a bad idea. Imagine “throwing away” all my money on jewelry? XD Haha… that’d be a little reckless not gonna lie. And lmao… I might as well steal a PS3 from this house. :p Like they’d notice one missing. Hahaha. Jkkk~

The HONEST truth? I don’t actually want anything. If you ask me to make a list of things I need I can come up with a million small things, but… give me $500 and … I don’t know… I don’t really feel like spending it on something special because I’m okay without even more material stuff. WTF is wrong with meee? I’m typically a shopaholic! >< But basically, I’m okay without buying all the things I need and/or want. Sort of like, my life will go on regardless of the money or the items I can buy with it. Example: I realllly want a new iPod with enough room to put all my music on, but at the same time … I’m okay if I don’t get it, you know? And that just makes me sort of lose my excitement for shopping.

My goal for tomorrow: Finish the last 20 pages of Snow Country and start the second Twilight book. Hahaha >>; Just when I redeemed myself saying I’m not materialistic (at the moment, anyway) I bust out with a, “I’m liek totez a Twilight fan!” Hahaha.

AH! 2am?! NIGHT~

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What happens when he doesn’t love you?

Title just a little bit of a thought. Most movies and novels portray people falling in love… So long as one person takes an interest the other person is just bound to reciprocate the emotion. There’s like 0 chance of failure. I don’t know… it bothers me.

So why am I blogging nonstop? I have a lot to say and no one to say it to, that’s why. Writing out my silly little thoughts is the one and only escape during a time when my thoughts run rampant (cold seasons).

So if you don’t mind
I think I’ll wear my heart on my sleeve,
‘Cause I’m tired of not being able to bleed.

My mother keeps emailing and calling for me to go home for Thanksgiving now that she knows I don’t want to go since she made me feel so unwelcome. To explain the situation she basically said we don’t get along so she hopes I don’t come over for the weekends to torture her. Then I said that [if that was the case] then I wouldn’t be going for Thanksgiving. And then she realized she sort of fcked up. She tried calling me, and I just said I wasn’t going and she launched into a stream of insults about how I like to make myself a victim. *sigh* Okay, I did NOT go around calling any family members for some sort of support or backing or anything. I know better than to try to get them to side with me over my mother. They just don’t get involved (much to my disappointment). So how am I making myself out to be a goddamn victim?! I’m not *looking* actively for any sort of sympathy.

Anyway, so yesterday she transferred money into my bank account and emailed me telling me so. Let it be known she does not pay for a single cent of my college education. She is completely uninvolved in my life, basically. So I emailed her back, “Thanks, I appreciate it.” What poor college student doesn’t appreciate money, right? That was that. Then she emails me again today, rather suspiciously optimistically and cheerfully, that she hopes I make it and how we can go shopping on Friday, and something about getting me an early Christmas present.

I haven’t replied yet. *sigh* If I go it’s like saying, “Yeah you can insult me all you want and you can still get your way!” Going would be like giving in and showing that I’m not entirely serious in saying something like “I am not going home for the holiday then.” And she will have won. But I feel bad because she keeps asking me to go now. Sure, any readers out there can think, “Oh she feels bad now, you should go,” but it’s not that simple! This woman abused me throughout my childhood – physically, verbally, emotionally – and I don’t know how much more I can take. And my little brother really wants me to go. For him, I should just go right? Ugh… but I don’t want her to WIN and get her way yet again.

But it will also set a nasty precedent if I don’t go. I may not go for winter break then if I don’t go for Thanksgiving. What will have changed from one holiday to the next right?

All signs are pointing to: Take the abuse and forget about it. Keep coming back for more. Always. (If I’m ever in a relationship I swear I won’t be surprised if it’s an abusive one.)

I’m so fucked. *sigh* I don’t knooooow.

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Physical/Bodily Acceptance

*currently struggling really hard to fight back the depression*

Ok!!! Gotta keep doing shit… even if it means a ton of random stupid entries. OH! I want to go try the new Xbox 360’s update which includes Netflix Streamingggg!~

Okay right… so this topic was sort of inspired by Giselle. Girly and I have been friends and kept somewhat in touch since 7th grade. How crazy is that!

The other day she blogged about physical changes in her body and how it’s somewhat hard to notice them from day to day. But think back a few years and you definitely didn’t have the same body as now, right? (That may be for better or worse… sowwy)

Alright so today I went shopping, and saw a few clothes stores. I didn’t really feel like *buying* anything (woah~ shocking, right!?) but it was fun trying on some clothes. Okay, this is going to sound so awkward… but you know… I got a good look at my body. xD Lmfao… *blushes* I mean, I could easily do that here in my apartment, right, but the thought doesn’t really occur to me. Anywho… …

There are certainly some things I could improve on. I mean, who doesn’t think that? Do you like your body? Not many people can say honestly that they 100% dig their own body unless their physique is just modelesque. *shrugs* Meaning, there’s always a little improvement that could be done here and there. But, anyway I realized that I totally ACCEPT my body. Even looking at myself in the mirror (fully clothed this time) – I totally just accept it. I’m me! YAY~

My body definitely doesn’t look the way it did in 9th and 10th grade, though. It’s difficult to move on from that image of myself. I was size 1, had abs~, and my arms were pretty toned. ~Everyone~ always talked about my fantastic legs and *ahem* my butt. Hahaha… omg this is such an awkward entry! Okay, moving along… and yeah, I totally agreed! My body was actually a topic of discussion, a physique people were striving to have, were envious of. Goodness, I sound so conceited, but it’s the truth!

Now? There are plenty of verrry tall, super skinny beach blonde girls here. I’m like… none of those. Lmao. But that’s okay. Whatever. My progress is my own. My body is okay, fine, acceptable. At least to me anyway. I don’t expect anyone (guys/gals – since girls are apparently attracted to me *sigh… it’s a long story*) to accept it the way I do. They haven’t been in my skin for almost 20 years. Oh shiiiit… that was exciting. The prospect of being 20. haha…

My hair is super cute~ So is my face. Hahaha… And I don’t really care if everyone else hates it. Sure, it can lead to depression over the fact that guyz dun like meee, but that’s more a repercussion than it is an individual problem.

Lulz… and since people luff this pic:


That’s meee. (: Though, to be fair, my hair isn’t that length or that color at the moment. *rethinks this* I’ll post a newer pic. Looove these sunglasses btw~ I thought about posting a Lady Gaga inspired pic but that was too funny. xD (I look hella bitchy hahaha)


Ooh my tummy is actually needing food! YAY for return of appetite? We’ll see. (:

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Some Easy Laughs

Originally posted on TheTheologiansCafe:

A woman posted the following message on an Apple discussion forum:

“Please help! I took my husband’s i-phone and found a raunchy picture of him attached to an e-mail to a woman in his sent e-mail file (a Yahoo account). When I approached him about this (I think that he is cheating on me) he admitted that he took the picture but says that he never sent it to anyone. He claims that he went to the Genius Bar at the local Apple store and they told him that it is an i-phone glitch: that photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an e-mail address and appear in the sent folder, even though no e-mail was ever sent. Has anyone ever heard of this happening? The future of my marriage depends on this answer!”  Here is the link:  Link

Would you divorce your spouse if you caught him/her sending raunchy photos of himself/herself to a person of the opposite sex?

The funny part about this (not the cheating) is the actual Discussion Thread on Apple.com. Oh goodness I couldn’t stop laughing… and I had to show Rony bby because she thought I was still really depressed. Well, I am, but … I can have some laughs anyway. ^_^ People are hilarious. And to prove this point, lovely Amazon to da rescue~

Originally brought to my attention by Jenny, here is a fantastic product from Amazon.com! The product itself is funny, sure~ but look @ the comments!! xD Hahaha… goodness I love funny people.

Today I… (sounds like one of those elementary school prompts)

  • Got lost for about 2 hrs
  • Got lost again, and walked in circles twice
  • Was sorely disappointed by the eventual closing of the Circuit City in Santa Barbara. There are no Best Buys or anything… where will I go!?!?!?
  • Found what I was looking for in like 10 seconds (after spending like 3 hours lost)
  • Got a good amount of sunlight, for which I am happy!

What have I learned? Not eating for 4 days really makes you all… non-clear-thinker-status. But, to be fair 4 days is wrong. I had a liiil’ bit of oatmeal this morning and half an apple. The apple was strangely… easy to bite but still crunchy! It was magical and unlike any apple I’ve tasted before. Unfortunately I still can’t really eat so I couldn’t eat much of the apple anyway. I had to spit out some of it and throw it away. Why nooo appetite?! What be wrong wit me?!

OMG! I was almost about to press Publish without talking about Twilight!!!! I saw it last night (oh goodness always alone, though… I need more friendz that don’t *just* party and drink away their woes). Okay first of all, the director whoever s/he may be… was AWFUL. The shots were all so AWKWARD and made everyone look really bad. Plus, no one could act. No oneeeee. However, to balance all this awfulness at least Dr. Cullen (*dies*) was HOTHOTHOT! And Edward Cullen? To. Die. For. Kristen Stewart, alright admittedly, she’s not ugly… and I really do like her with dark eyeliner (i.e. not in the movie) but ughhh she was so awkward with Robert Pattinson.

Okay so overall: If you’ve read the books the whole thing is like one big inside joke. If you haven’t read the books… you’re gonna hate it. ^_^;

On my way back to my apartment I saw a Program Boardie and lulz she was drunkkkk… and we play-argued over Edward. Lmao, except she was saying things like, “I wanted to fuck him right then and there” and *laughs awkwardly* she was doing some rather suggestive movement. (; Lmaooo… I didn’t go that far. I just laughed and went on my way. Oh, drunk people, good for one thing: entertainment.

I sound so much happier right now. YAY SUN. YAY… getting lost/exercise? O_o “YAY ME!” as Brenda Song likes to say!

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