The Heart of Everything

Lately I’ve been feeling this constant anxiety. And the return of my depression. At full force. Let’s see if I can dissect my emotions, yes? Though when you FEEL it’s really difficult to describe that inner turmoil in words.

Let’s move past the problem with my mother. I’m not going home for Thanksgiving. I’m not wanted. Yadda yadda yadda. This is one subject I don’t want to talk so much about that it’s boring, played out, etc. etc. Let me just say that things will never change between us. ACCEPTED. Heard her so loud and clear it’s painfully obvious. Oh hey so then why do I keep trying? It’s almost like I take some sort of sick pleasure in being rejected and hated on. Trust me that’s not the case. Each and every time it hurts so bad, I wish I could die.

Hm, I’m getting really sleepy. I haven’t eaten anything in two days. But I have been drinking lots of liquids so I’m still taking in something, whatever small amount of calories that may be. To balance it off, though, I haven’t been doing any really intense movement beside bike to/from class. That does take some of my energy… which I re-energize with more sleep. It works. One small bite and I’d be full. Food isn’t really necessary.

Yawn. Okay, maybe hanging out here at The Hub was not so great an idea. My bed, which feels all too familiar these days, sounds so comforting and tempting right about now. Zzz tired. Let me go on, though.

Well! I just got sidetracked for the last 20-ish minutes. My brain is all over da place!

Blarghhhh some girl doesn’t get Philosophy of Mind and she wants help with her essays. *angry face* Why I gotta help? It makes me feel as though I am donating a part of my knowledge onto her essays. Me wants all my knowledge for MY OWN essays.

Oh yes. There is one more issue, and it’s kinda KEELING me softly. Ripping me to shreds more like… but *yawns again from exhaustion* I don’t want to discuss this even with myself. OH BUT IT’S ABOUT THIS GUY FRIEND. Ex-friend? Whatever. Something like that.

Sowwy for da casual writing style. It helps me make this *not* so srs. I get really annoyed by my own over-dramatic-ness. For serious.

Side note: I hate all the typos on CNN. Wake up people! Everyone’s watching your news. Asdf.

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1 Comment

  1. it’s weird that you talk about anxiety, i have to read heidegger 👿 and my philosophy class had this big discussion about anxiety and whether or not we deal with it. anyway, i hope you feel better and that’s too bad about your mom, i can kind of understand, my grandmother is somewhat similar, she hates me for no apparent reason and makes her hatred known (my family thinks it’s because i am half white but who knows?)

    anyway, i hope you feel better, i think everyone feels down around the holidays.

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