Leaves of Grass

There are some bad decisions in life, and some good decisions. Suppose most of us are aware of the difference between these two tokens of the type, decisions. Yet, knowing a decision is good or bad, what makes someone choose the bad? There must be a justification for choosing one over the other. I’m a Utilitarian. If a decision does not promote the most aggregate utility (i.e. a bad decision would not qualify for having more utility than a good decision), then why decide bad over good? I cannot wrap my head around why, other than the fact that to err is human.

Recently, I’ve been making a string of bad decisions. Though, following my Utilitarian strain, if an action was inherently bad but the outcome good, what then? Well, I guess that’s why Utlitarians are not an action-based ethical principal, but a consequentialist ethical principal? The problem with Utilitarianism is the problem in my question as well. An action might produce an immediate sense of goodness, only to later produce badness; which consequence is of the most value?

Do people take only the short-term consequences into consideration? I mean, it’s impossible to look into the future to know the outcome of every action. Hm… hahaha I just reconstructed an argument for the failure of Utilitarianism… and do note that I am a Utilitarian.

Anyway, this got more philosophical when I’d wanted it to be more emotional. So much for that.

A small victory (?): Finally cried in front of David after being friends for over 5 years. He biked right on over when he realized that I was feeling sad. It was still hard to cry… I’m not much for showing my negative/sad emotions to people because it’s such a private thing. But it was a step toward sharing my feelings?

A small loss: Being at a loss.

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