Wanna Know How You Feel

I’m depressed.

Accepting that there is a problem is a step in the right direction.

There is no reason whatsoever for me to be depressed. Except using a depressant a little too often. Silly me, of course it has repercussions. But that’s why I’ve been battling over the decisions I’ve been making. There is nothing justifiable about my decisions. Yet, I continue to make the same stupid decision without bothering to think ahead.

I feel so censored right now. And I’m not down with that.

Live life. Go through all the steps of every day. I’ve not been doing that. I fall asleep before I can get to any of the necessary daily duties. Even eating has taken a backseat some days. Sleep is important, but not important enough that I am so behind on absolutely everything!

Let me make a to-do list so I’m not just reaching out into the dark, wondering what I should be doing instead.

  • Comp Lit 31 Essay (5 pages, due Monday)
  • Research for essay
  • Catch up on reading for Comp Lit 31
  • Read Stoker’s Dracula by Tuesday/Thurs.
  • Go to work almost every day… time-consuming, but I asked for this.
  • Read for Philosophy! (I can get this one done, I think)
  • Read for Ital 179X… some novel… I don’t even know which one.
  • Read a novel for Comp Lit 31 by the 16th?

Mostly a lot of reading… but that essay is stressing me out. Essays are usually the easiest. It’s take-home, come on, no big deal. But, I hate the prompt and the reading is so tedious and requires research (never ever down to research for school- I hate this with a passion).

Oh by the way, please don’t bring up this entry to me in person. I don’t like talking about my depression. It comes and it goes, there is no explanation for it. I’m still going to look happy and bubbly, so don’t interrupt my flow with questions. I don’t know why I am sad, and I’ve accepted that. Thank you, that is all.

Topic of future consideration: accomplishments. When I hear that word all I think of is Circa Survive’s The Difference Between Medicine and Poison Is In The Dose: “They pulled me in, but accomplishments are transient.”

I’ll play catch up tomorrow. I have no energy to do anything with my day (once again).

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