DayOctober 6, 2010

“fui solo una ilusión, tan solo una ilusión y nada mas.”

Lately I feel like I’ve been consuming so much information that all I can do is regurgitate it without so much as an original thought. I just reread my NaBloPoMo April: Letters category in which I blogged a letter to someone/something everyday. There was a lot of original emotion and a chronicling of what I did with my day. I think Twitter broke my blogging cycle. Rather than sticking to expressing the few emotions I have on a day to day basis I have begun to capture simply the actions and minute thoughts of the day on Twitter. Not that I’m blaming Twitter by any means. Three and a half years and going strong.

Speaking of time, 2.5 years and still it bothers me. The hypothetical love letter. I feel like I have lost the ability to think in emotion, and instead I’ve been thinking in actions. I’ve always had a problem channeling my emotions but … looking at my recent posts they’re all… unrelated to me. Heart-strutter.org is supposed to be about those emotions that I cannot express verbally or physically to you. Please just never forget that I love you.

I feel as though I’ve been broken up with but that’s just not what happened. There is this very apparent disconnect right now. Let me get profound with my emotional connectivity again. I enjoy re-reading my posts more than anything else. Emotions become so distant right after you’ve written them. Another time, another place, another person.

I’ve watched so many foreign films this year. And yet I never bother to review them, or mark my favorites. I feel that would be a much more effective use of my blog. But fashion has my heart right now. Before that it was makeup artistry. Before that it was you. There’s got to be something out there worth buying. And I bought all of what you said. But I gave it all away.

My actions can be so silly sometimes, especially in retrospect.

Quarter Down

A week has passed and I have not made any unnecessary purchases. This is getting serious. It’s like this… boiling pot of water trying to burst out from under the top. I desperately wanted the Marc by Marc Jacobs moleskine that came out for Barney’s Co-Op 25th anniversary or some such thing. It’s $30… priced significantly higher than a regular moleskine. Now, I did lose my precious red one and have since lost much hope in finding it. Yet, what knocked me into my senses was the $5 shipping. Lmao, I’m one of those people that will refuse to pay for shipping because if the item does not fit… and I return the item, I have still lost out on money with NOTHING to show for it. Anyway, $35 for an item that I can get for about half the price… is a rip-off no matter whose name is on the cover. And then I looked at the moleskine again and the “scribbles” look so careless and are not of any particular design. Much more classic is a plain ol’ moleskine. Ugh, now if only I could find my red one!!

I already know I’m bound to fail this no-buy thing because I plan on purchasing one little thing soon. It’s sort of special, even though it’s used… and small. But I’m very excited about it. I still have about 4 days to think about it… hah!