When there’s nothing you need.

(In the depths of my drafts. 24 Dec 2010. Posted on 27 May 2014.)

I’m not so sure it feels like Christmas Eve to me. This end-of-year has felt so stressful and so… different. I feel like I’ve been living life a little disconnected recently. I’m going through so many experiences all at once but they just don’t seem to SINK IN as reality. Dissociating with reality is what it feels like to be honest. I find it almost hard to believe that I went to New York, did all those things, and now I’m back in Downey and it’s Christmas Eve all of a sudden. Time is lapsing strangely and experiences don’t feel real.

In any case, I’m not so sure I’m getting gifts this year since I no longer qualify as a child. D: But even further, there isn’t very much I need. Hell, there isn’t anything I need to¬† be perfectly honest. I’ve gotten really used to purchasing all of my own things and saving for something I want that I can only think of things that I’d ~like~ to buy myself but… don’t particularly feel I need to receive anything from anyone. Independence.

I’m going to compile a list of things I would like to get for myself in 2011:

  • Balenciaga First in Black w/ silver hardware
  • iPod – it will be my third one in under a year (why the eff do people keep stealing mine??)

Uhm yeah that’s kinda all I’ve got. Uh.. it’s sort of a stretch to even find something I WANT. Since packing all of my crap in moving from SB to LA I realized I don’t really NEED anything else. I have so much already. Work with what you’ve got, yannoe. I feel like there were a few other things I wanted to buy myself but even then… they’re not really things I need so the desire for them is very transient.

I might need to buy more business-casual clothes for work, though. That will be fun! I mean even then, I’m pretty sure I have a few things to work with already.

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