you failed to feel delight.

There’s a serious lack of focus in my life right now. But maybe I’m thinking that’s the case after a weekend spent smoking a whole lot of mota.

I miss thinking about guys. OR GUY, rather. Let’s not make me out to be some classy ho. I just want a man in life… whether online or real life. I don’t even care… I just miss the presence of conversation. My brain is dying without any intellectual stimulation via male friend. Geezus, I sound so desperate. But I miss that side of myself that spoke in witty circles and …

Ugh, I don’t know. I’m annoyed. There are too many things to say. And I just don’t know how to say any of them… But above all, I miss him. Always him. IT KILLS ME. I just want to be back in New York where it was freezing cold. How unrelated. My brain is scattereddddd. Too much mota does that shit to you.

I miss rushing, checking, messaging, blushing, laughing, calling, feeling.

Somehow this feels like saying, “I miss the 90s” because no matter how great that decade was, it’s gone forever and it’s never coming back. Nostalgia really sucks.

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K.

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