DaySeptember 12, 2011

The Most Depressing 40 Minutes

Just finished listening to the new Saves The Day album, “Daybreak.”

I was depressed before… and nothing changed in the last 40 minutes. It is so so so tempting to listen to uplifting music. But at the same time all music is kinda putting me in a sad mood. So let me not taint upbeat music with this crappy mood.

Living alone is hard. I’m here for 5-6 waking hours every day. The rest of the time I’m asleep while here. But even the few hours is torture and a half. I’m talking like I drove behind a slow car to get home that’s how much I’m avoiding coming here. There’s nothing wrong with my place. In fact I love my apartment. I love the area I live in. I just can’t stand the ALONE part. There is no one to talk to these days.

The people I work with range from mid-30s to 60s. There is nothing to talk about with them… we have nothing in common. So it sustains me… but only just barely. Just barely. And as I’m driving home I feel myself dreading coming home to the emptiness. I just want to… share how my day went. Or chit chat. You know, HUMAN COMMUNICATION. I’m not asking for very much.

Can we just laugh about the commercial on TV that makes little to no sense?

But even that is a luxury.

Loneliness wears people down.

Never thought I would be saying this, but I miss college. There were people my age everywhere. I mean, we were the majority. Real life is full of people younger and older than me. I never can seem to find people my age.

What kills me is that I was there for you when you felt like there was no one for you. Now that I feel like this where are you? Where are you now?

Music of the day: Saves the Day’s “Daybreak,” Thrice’s “Major/Minor,” and Anthony Green live recordings.