Conflicting.

I want. I need. I feel restless.

As much as I want to live in another country, move somewhere better, find a job I love… I just feel so.. STUCK.

Change is just in my nature.

But uncertainty is just not in my cards. I think commitment came way too fast for me. Rent, car insurance, student loan debt, etc. Just thinking about all my financial commitments stresses me out. There is ZERO room for adventure, for change. As much as I want to look for another job, I cannot for a month be without one. And I feel like my opportunity to travel is just so limited.

I was hired for my first full-time job a week after I graduated college and started 2-3 weeks after that.

Right now my big wish is to be a care-free adult in my early 20s.

And I KNOW something has to change. And I know it has to change eventually. But these are big decisions. And I hate that feeling of wasting time. One more year in my apartment is one more year I am without a patio, one more year I am parking on the street. One more year at my job is one more year I am doing something I don’t feel passionate about, one more year of doing the same tasks day in, day out. It’s just a matter of when I’m going to take action and just DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

That’s usually how I work, though. Spontaneous acts of change.

What sucks is that I know some things need to settle down before any and/or all of these changes occur. And that is seriously holding me back.

So tired of restlessness.

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I Love…

I love talking to chic people in warm striped sweaters.

I love knowing street names of places I visited yesterday.

I love sunny days that put me in a better mood.

I love music that makes me dance.

I love my apartment.

I love Long Beach.

I love my BMW.

I love days that feel this amazing.

I love getting off work exactly at 2pm.

I love that feeling of extreme happiness you feel you could burst.

I love that feeling of extreme happiness you can’t even speak.

I love driving at a consistent speed of 80 mph on the 710 fwy.

If only every day felt this way, and for no particular reason.

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Static Noise in my eyes

The one thing that fills up a majority of my time these days: watching television. I’ve made it a mission to watch as many of the new fall shows as possible. It kills the amount of time I spend thinking, getting bad cases of the Sad, and so on. So what’s good this season?

American Horror Story – Let’s start off by saying that this is the first horror genre series I’ve ever seen. Is it scary? Oh yeah. So much so I have to wait until the next day (daylightttt) to watch it! Also let’s not forget Vivien wears Theyskens’ Theory, Violet reads Camus, and a song they keep playing on the show is Mirah’s “Special Death.” Just the coolness of this show alone makes it worth watching, but it’s also legitimately scary. OH! Most important of all: the characters are NOT stupid. They will not answer the door to strangers, they immediately call the police, and they definitely question suspicious things. Brilliant.

The New Girl – Eh. Zooey Deschanel’s character is impossibly annoying. Her male co-stars make this show bearable. But this show has been put on hold I believe, due to baseball season.

Pan Am – Oh the fashion! The travel! And one of the characters is working as a spy of sorts. I cannot explain it, but this show is great. It’s worth watching! This is like the new Mad Men but instead of staying primarily in an office we get to travel all over the world.

Dexter – I never really got into this show. And I’m not really into it now either. It’s interesting but it’s not all that great. Every episode follows pretty much the same guideline and I know just what to expect. Never having seen the other seasons, I was able to pick this up fairly easily with just a smidgen of background knowledge I had heard from here and there. I cannot possibly imagine anyone watching so many seasons of this show.

Homeland – Oh yeaaah. Carrie Mathison, CIA ops officer is bipolar which adds some interest to the show. She’s constantly frantic but she sees things a little bit differently, and has such dedication to her counter-terrorism assignment. This show feels so modern and relevant in today’s world. It’s exciting and there’s a lot coming, I can just tell. Homeland is quickly becoming one of my fave shows this season.

Terra Nova – Sux. The grafix are so 2000 or something. The plotline so far is just mediocre… and I haven’t even watched the last episode… I sort of don’t want to, either.

90210 – FAVE. This has been my favorite show for a few years now! It just gets better and better. <3 <3 <3 No words needed.

Revenge – I had not heard of this show until someone in my family mentioned it. I looked it up andddd because it’s loosely based on The Count of Monte Cristo this became something worth watching. Emily shows such dedication to ruining the lives of everyone that put her father in prison it’s a little scary, a little bad, and a whole lotta good. Every week I get excited to see what Emily pulls out from her hat of tricks to ruin someone.

Ringer – The fact that Sarah Michelle Gellar is the main star here is not what attracted me to this show. But her acting is great in this show. And once again, there’s a lot of sneaky messed up stuff going on. Sarah plays two characters – twins Bridget and Siobhan. I love learning about each individual character, I love watching shows with twins, and I’m not so secretly rooting for Bridget (the twin trying to turn her life around).

2 Broke Girls – The worst thing about this show is that it’s only 30 minutes, with a ton of commercials thrown in, so like 20 minutes. This show is unexpectedly funny, modern, and relevant. Two girls are both broke, living together, and trying to save enough money to start their own business. The actresses are perfect.

Let’s see… what else? I watched the pilot of Enlightened some days ago and the 2nd or 3rd ep of the second season of How to make it in America. I’ll have to reserve judgment until I watch a few more episodes. Also the new Law & Order: SVU this season sees the departure of Elliot, Olivia’s long-time partner in crime fighting. :\ I have the episodes recorded, but I only saw the first ep of this new season. Olivia seems wildly out of character but maybe for good reason given her partner is gone. Making current plans to backtrack and catch up on Boardwalk Empire because the 1920s are just so damn fashionable. The only reason I never watched the first season was because I did not know what the show was about and just really never bothered to look it up!

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What is going on with the world?

Let me just make it clear that I am not insinuating the U.S. should be the wealthier country. Not by any means or stretch of the imagination. But I find it baffling that only a few short years ago these countries were considered “third world” and perhaps suffering from large poverty-stricken populations. I think a lower struggling class definitely still exists and that they’re in need of assistance. Countries in the middle-east must have a very strong disparaging difference between the lower class and the upper class with maybe little to no existing middle-class (a class that falls in the majority here in the United States, I’m sure). But something must be said for articles like this, that were released 5 days ago:

Women in the Middle East are Haute Couture’s biggest market, says this Reuters story. “I had the opportunity to see a wedding that was recently held here in Dubai. 4,000 women were invited to the reception and everybody in the room was wearing haute couture,” Simon Lock, creative director for Dubai Fashion Week, told the news service. “And there are lots and lots of weddings to attend. The wedding season is very expensive here. I have known of many occasions when a couturier will be invited to a private home for a showing. The hostess will buy maybe 20, 30 couture outfits for a season.” [Reuters]

LONDON | NEW DELHI: India, the world’s second most-populous country, has more wealthy households than most European countries, including Germany and France.

The country, with 3 million affluent households, is fast emerging as a serious centre of affluence along with China, says the largest ever global affluence study by research firm TNS. “India and China have already surpassed major European markets like Germany and France.

It’s interesting to see that the entrepreneurial spirit of people in these markets is already paying off in terms of personal wealth,” TNS Director, Business and Finance, Reg Van Steen said.

TNS’s Global Affluent Investor study—which interviewed 12,000 people across 24 markets including China, Brazil and India—defines affluent households as those with more than $100,000 (around Rs 50 lakh) surplus to invest. Also, the rich is getting richer.

India is among the top five countries where the affluent have more than $1 million to invest on average, alongside the UAE, Singapore, Hong Kong and Sweden.

I think the United States is no longer “the place to be” or the place “to make your millions.” There’s just no amazing case of super successful entrepreneurship. The money is flowing out of the United States and into the hands of all those countries that in my youth were pretty much unsuccessful.

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