Heart-Strutter.org

denial never spoke so loud

Conflicting.

October 30th, 2011

I want. I need. I feel restless.

As much as I want to live in another country, move somewhere better, find a job I love… I just feel so.. STUCK.

Change is just in my nature.

But uncertainty is just not in my cards. I think commitment came way too fast for me. Rent, car insurance, student loan debt, etc. Just thinking about all my financial commitments stresses me out. There is ZERO room for adventure, for change. As much as I want to look for another job, I cannot for a month be without one. And I feel like my opportunity to travel is just so limited.

I was hired for my first full-time job a week after I graduated college and started 2-3 weeks after that.

Right now my big wish is to be a care-free adult in my early 20s.

And I KNOW something has to change. And I know it has to change eventually. But these are big decisions. And I hate that feeling of wasting time. One more year in my apartment is one more year I am without a patio, one more year I am parking on the street. One more year at my job is one more year I am doing something I don’t feel passionate about, one more year of doing the same tasks day in, day out. It’s just a matter of when I’m going to take action and just DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

That’s usually how I work, though. Spontaneous acts of change.

What sucks is that I know some things need to settle down before any and/or all of these changes occur. And that is seriously holding me back.

So tired of restlessness.

Heart-Strutter.org

denial never spoke so loud