I’m holding on to the idea that I want to live to work, not just work to live. There’s this push and pull between logic and emotion, as always. As much as I KNOW I need financial stability in my life, I’m not happy… and not financially stable anyway for that matter! So nothing is quite sitting right in my life.
There are a few obvious things: my job is nowhere near my dream profession, I have a lot of bills to pay, my job is just barely sufficient to cover my expensive cost of living.
I feel like it’s this sort of “all or nothing” situation I am dealing with.
In order to find the dream job I feel like I have to let go of my apartment, let go of my financial “stability” and let go of my current lifestyle. It seems like a lot of sacrifice is required to achieve what I feel is going to make me happy. Unhappiness as a means to attaining happiness? Something strikes me as odd.
There’s a lot of inner turmoil within me these days.
At some point I have to just give in and succumb to the idea that this is my job. Or… give in and relinquish everything I have to find something new.