Weltschmerz.

The title of this post is perhaps a little far-reaching. I don’t think I presently have the mental concentration required of me to correctly address the German term, my opinion of it, or how I perceive it. But I am in the process of thinking about it so it only felt appropriate.

Ok now that my preface is over I have several scattered Monday thoughts that probably each merit their own post. But that’s tedious. So here goes:

***LOVELY NOTE OF LOVE***

I’ve never considered the effect of my written words via my blog. I am not a reliable narrator. Because for the most part I considered my blog unread I very often give in to my current whims and caprices by writing what it is I feel at any given moment vs. what might be true vs. a more strategic thing to say. I will blatantly insult myself, others, the world, etc. all in some bizarre effort to justify my emotions even if or especially if I don’t mean it to the extent I’ve written about it. I only like to believe I mean things to their fullest capacity.

In truth there are very few people I trulyyyy feel negatively about. Hell, I even have the utmost respect for the gf of the guy I lurved for a ridiculous amount of years. Hell, I even let go of my favorite friendship with him because I felt it was inappropriate to remain friends when I just KNEW the two of them would eventually be in a relationship – and a week after I said goodbye/peace out they got together. Instamagically. There was this chemistry that I could spidey-sense from afar. And even when they broke up some years back I just kinda knew any relationship of his afterward wouldn’t last. It’s easier for a person that’s observing from without to be more neutral than it is for a person experiencing from within. Obviously.

Also, any cruel thing I say on here I don’t necessarily mean. But I just get frustrated with myself. And so you know, I VENT, like any normal human being. But because my emotions are SUPER DUPER evanescent there is never a point in venting to a friend (or the actual person) about something negative because the negative emotion will be gone before I’m even done telling my story. Negative emotions rarely last within me. For a reason.

***END OF MY LOVELY NOTE***

I’m seeing either Moonie orand Jared today, definitely not both. Though Moonie asked to have lunch with me first I haven’t seen Jared in a year. We do this sort of yearly hang… it’s unlikely we can ever see each other more often than that. I sure miss that guy! I made sure to wear heels to work today because he’s like a bajillion feet tall. I also decided to wear my new silk top to work today sans a cotton undershirt. (Editz: I just can’t ever say no. On Friday I triple stacked three different hang outs. Guess I’m doing a back to back double stack today. And I’ll still have to do my daily workout at SOME point. Guess no daily siesta today? Sadface.)

Silk is supposed to be this fantastic material that’s soft and feminine and yadda yadda. But I can NEVER wear silk without cotton underneath. Silk is such a cold fabric. And usually slightly sheer. This top is both. But I decided to challenge myself. Go outside my comfort zone. I wore a slightly more casual silk top yesterday as well – sans cotton shirt, too. And everyone else was sweating under the heat and I was ridiculously cold. Our office is an icebox usually, too. So all I can feel is this cold sensation against my skin that’s almost akin to clamminess minus any sweat. But the drape of the silk top I’m wearing today is lovely. And the sleeves roll up in this very nice way, too. Except it’s a size small. I seem to forget that Smalls are too big. And I always have to return for an extra small. UGH. It’s like the tediousness of running an errand TWICE. But I always err on the safe side because technically a small will fit… just waaaay loose. And I’m kinda down for that boho/casual/oversized fit a lot of the time.

I would also like to note to self that I have to remember that all present inconvenience is for the sake of future convenience. So nothing about my job should bother me. God, I just like live and breathe my job. I dreamt about work on Sunday morning. Lmao. All because I was super tense about one tiny 2 pallet order… but I don’t know… I’d move mountains to make any order happen. Because that’s the expectation anyway.

Moving into condo is official now. Except it’s uh… NOT BUILT YET! So there’s lots of time yet. Presently I have $7,300 saved in an account I don’t readily have access to and that’s … strictly for another BMW. But I’ll sure miss my precious 530i. Gah. Except I know my rent for condo is gonna be minimum DOUBLE what I pay in rent now. I mean I know it’s going to work out… but I’m thinking I should reserve car money for rent money until I adjust to my new rent payment. But anyway, condo is like 6 months out… Thinking financials is … a heavy-duty process. I get really into financial planning. My brain just hasn’t wrapped around all this life change yet.

Good things are in store! I’m excited. This has been a ridiculously fast-paced year for me. 🙂 I’m feeling positively (even though I’m a little nervous/scared/anxious/ sometimesbitchyfromthestress).

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