I just finished reading an entire article about “dark flow” and I cannot for the life of me summarize exactly what it is. I miss watching shows like The Universe and Through The Wormhole. Space fascinates me. Concepts about the universe are so out of my scope that re-watching episodes of these shows is like watching them for the first time because the information still just seems so mind-blowing. My favorite concepts are time (breaking the space-time continuum), black holes, the creation/death of stars, dark matter/dark energy, and parallel universes. I wish my understanding of physics were a little bit greater than it is now. Actually… I have no understanding of physics because I was never required to take a class – not in high-school or college – as my emphasis has always been on the more liberal arts.
Funny though how most of the concepts about space that I enjoy are the ones that are still a bit unknown.
I have no further plans for the rest of the week and I feel at a loss. Except I have a million things piling up at home from not really being there since Thursday of last week, except to work out+sleep. I start to feel inundated by excess. A piling to-do list so to speak. And yet, my week feels so uninspired if I don’t have plans to look forward to which is why I love planning ahead.
There is a broken owl perched at the very top of the building I’m in now. That’s five flights of stairs up just beyond the 10th floor. On the first floor of the roof there’s a wall and so I sometimes go up when I feel like going for a bit of air and movement in my legs. But today for the first time I went up to the second floor of the roof where there is no wall… just open expanse… and the owl. Of course I’m scared of heights so I got this incredible feeling of falling and I began to feel fear even though I was not moving. Sometimes a feeling can suddenly jolt you awake. Now I’m back in the office and my heart still feels like it’s pounding. If only it weren’t so foggy today the view of downtown LA would have been amazing.
In quieter moments I start ruminating in my heart and mind in search of feeling (perhaps so as to avoid boredom). Some things quickly begin to feel far away. And the further away things feel… the more intense my longing becomes. For example, I do miss J but must refrain from dwelling. Dwelling would only cause me to push a matter no longer at hand. Funny how that works. Also funny how I value friendship so highly.
Some people don’t seem to mind distance and space and time. (Are the three really so different? Maybe my mind is still thinking about the universe.) As more time passes, I know I’m creating further distance between my proximity (as a synonym to space) to any possibilities. That’s incredibly vague. It’s sort of a reference to BB whose correspondence I miss.
My hang with Jared on Monday went very well! There’s this ‘conversation chemistry’ that is quite rare. And by that I mean parts of our conversation are mixed in just the right way as to create something new that I find very engaging. And finally after three months I spent time with Moonie! As difficult as she is… there’s just something I love about spending time with her.
Anyway, I hope to not blog for at least a week to let some thoughts simmer OR perhaps even dissipate if I’m lucky. I suddenly feel a need to separate myself from my own silly ruminations.