“Tell me, sick love child drunken with lust
What did you see in that dream?”
I’d like to start off by saying that ‘shock factor’ is really quite boring to me. It’s sort of like when there’s a car pulled over on the side of the freeway and traffic slows to a crawl because every driver feels compelled to take a look… I purposely refuse to look/lose all desire to look. I refuse to look because everyone else feels compelled to look. And my interest in looking becomes absolutely null because it’s supposed to be so interesting. In the end, it’s not. It’s nothing. There’s nothing to look at or see. Telling me something in a very rapid, excited manner makes me lose all interest. I’m more inclined to listen to something a little bit slower… where I can make my own inferences about what you’re telling me means in the grand scheme of everything. And I alone would like to deduce just what I consider to be exciting. The more you try to shock me, the more of a pretentious asshole I think you’re being. A fact is a fact regardless if you tell it to me frantically (in which I become agitated) or composedly (in which I will listen calmly). Emotions are bizarrely irritating to me lately.
My energy reserve for tolerating emotion is running on empty. And by that really I mean not running at all.
By this point I start to feel extremely guilty that I cannot share your joie de vivre… And wish only to contemplate my own raison d’être. And this initiates this whole cycle about how I feel it’s not acceptable to want to express my latest ponderings without wanting to listen to yours (because truthfully these days it’s likely I don’t). And the ensuing result: I retreat. I retreat so hard into myself – garder pour moi dans ma chambre à coucher.
And now I’ve also exhausted most of the French phrases in my repetoire. C’est la vie! (Lulz…)
Last night: Played Risk for the first time ever, with Sebby and Javi and Sheridan. Playin’ with da boyz. I told them max 10pm… kicked them out. To be continued…! Btw, they’re going down.
This morning: Thursday is 3am wake up time. Morning exercise to make time for nightly fun and of course the typical early morning work calls (the first call at 3:30am… for which I was prepared… I’d already been awake for half an hour!). I have mentioned Thursday is always my late night out yes? And Friday is always the busiest at work. I don’t know how I survive. (Hint: Friday nights I’m out like a light while everyone else stays up ’till dawn.)
Tonight: Anthony Green with my brother Chris in Pomona. Milkshakes, vietnamese noodles, and my favorite vocalist.
I’ve hardly slept, will not have time to nap, and I’m so ready for a little life enjoyment today. My brother is a very comfortable hang out partner. No pretending, no listening. He and I talk very little. We just… enjoy. Observe. Laugh. Enjoy. Live. Experience. Appreciate. Oh I can’t wait to hug him when I see him after work today. Sibling love. He’s a chill little dude. Except not so little… he’s much taller than I am and already seventeen years old! Oh and with killer music taste to boot! Gah… I love my brotherrrrrr! 🙂