Saying This Once.

I feel like crying. I simultaneously know why and don’t know why.

It hurts to be alone. So you do anything not to be. And the things people make you do, the things people want you to do, you do. You do them so you’re not alone. And the things they make you do hurt just a little bit less than the hurt of being alone. Until finally you feel so used that the things they make you do begin to hurt more than the hurt of being alone.

And so you choose to be alone because it’s maybe the lesser of the two hurts after a while. But when the memory of the things they made you do begins to fade, you start to hate being alone. You start to hate the isolation again. And so you begin looking for ways not to be alone.

I’d do anything for you so I’m not alone. It almost sounds selfish doesn’t it? I’ll fix you if you fix me.

But the only way to cope is to decide not to feel anything at all.

Laid our foundation on a sink hole and then expected it to stay,
Move everything that made me want you in the first place
is what’s driving me away
And that eureka feeling doesn’t last long,
and everything you ever photographed is gone

And there’s no way I could ever stay away,
but you won’t even answer

The very thing that made me want you in the first place
is what’s driving me away
is what’s driving me away
is what’s driving me away

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