Detach-ment.

A child’s intelligent heart can fathom the depth of many dark places, but can it fathom the delicate moment of its own detachment?

Detachment is probably my new favorite film, or definitely up in the ranks. It’s become very clear to me that all manners of detachment are very near and dear to my heart. I think something can be said of expression sans expression – I just can’t express it.

I’m definitely crying just a little bit right now.

Feeling the catharsis of tears shed from pain not my own is quite possibly one of the most beautiful things in my life right now. I feel extremely blessed and grateful that I am able to generate some form of much-needed release (though I am fully aware it is escapist of me); I am able to FEEL despite detachment from my own problems. There is nothing harder to me right now than dealing with my own problems.

Y’know it’s funny, I spend a lot of time trying to not have to deal… to not really commit. I’m a substitute teacher, there’s no real responsibility to teach. Your responsibility is to maintain order, make sure nobody kills anybody in your classroom, and then they get to their next period.

Every line of this movie meant something to me. But I think it might lose its magic if I expressed just what it all meant. The unexpressed speaks so much louder.

I am money, I change hands like the dollar bill, that has been rubbed by a lamp; Then a genie appeared and cried loudly, with volume; But the tears were all for myself, and that’s where it all went wrong.

I don’t even know what to do next. Anything after watching this film would feel extremely inconsequential and inappropriate. I’m so moved by it that I’m rendered motionless, catapulted into physical paralysis via emotional catharsis. The juxtaposition is… well, I don’t really know.

An apt film for the current state of my slow-beating heart.

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