It’s impossible lately for me to hone in on a topic and discuss it. I’ll start off with a subject header and ever so casually divert to topics unknown. My mind’s wandering. There’s either too much or not nearly enough in/ex-ternal stimulation these days.
I’ve been sticking to my daily systems with nary a goal in sight. I do things on a daily basis knowing that I will not feel accomplished unless every single thing on my checklist gets done and that all the daily systems eventually lead to optimal results.
Time is getting blurrier by the day. So it’s hard to tell but I think I had oatmeal every morning for breakfast for a little over a week. Maybe two? Maybe just one? I can’t really remember. In any case, the oatmeal was sufficiently filling and powered me through with maximum nutrients and minimal calories. I’m also confident it helped me feel lighter and less guilty about the few indulgences I partook in.
If every item on my checklist does not get done, I feel I have failed my day. Which means some days it’s harder to get everything done… because some days I will have dinner, some days I will go to the movies, some days I procrastinate for a bit too long, etc.
It occurred to me a few days ago… I have no goals in life. My systems are a charade for my extreme lack of life goals. But I know I’m on the right track regardless. So there’s that.
It’s very strange… I miss the days when things were a bit simpler… at my previous job my schedule was variable so sometimes I worked mornings, other times nights… so there was no time to dilly dally… my exercise absolutely had to happen before/after work depending on my schedule. Now, it absolutely has to happen at nearly the same time every day. Which is LIMITING. Set schedules are killerrrrr.
But I’m doing it anyway.
- Music while I shower
- Podcast while I get ready
- Work – 8 hrs of my day sucked/gone though I try to get my internet fix during the work hours so as to feel some sort of funniez (Breakfast and Lunch included here)
- Meditation/Quiet Time
- Nap – increasingly becoming OPTIONAL
- Entertainment of some kind (movie, book, tv show, internet though rare)
I just wish I had just slightly more time… To watch at least ONE educational lecture per day. Either a TED talk or a Coursera course lecture. :\
What’s weird though is that all of these things are usually fulfilling on their own. But then some days… the days I cannot seem to distract myself with this overwhelming checklist (physical fatigue, emotionally drained, etc.) … those are the dayz that feel of death.
I need to learn to be okay not meeting my whole checklist and still maintaining some semblance of NON-depression. ‘Tis a hard life.
Anyway, this post took me all day. It addressed nothing new. It borders on vaguely coerced writing. Too many things are on my mind to focus… Hence the checklist anyway.