I have wanted to write a great deal of things today, in a non-linear non-story incohesive format every time I’ve had a thought that I felt I wanted out of my brain and into something I could re-read and see it for what it is.
Before anyone came into the office I was crying to myself at my desk while I was doing my morning paperwork. It was pretty pathetic and sad… and I wasn’t sure if I would be able to make it through the day. But I did, mostly in part because the boss didn’t come in and all but two co-workers left the office for the majority of the day to go look at some cherries.
But all the whining and pathetic-ness aside…
I’ve been regularly attending barre classes and I love it! I feel like even when I really don’t want to go I push myself and come out feeling renewed and full of energy I didn’t have just before. Mostly I have to really push myself on days when I nap and napping feels like the best thing in life… and my brain is still a fog but I get dressed for class, and RUSH through the literally 30+ minute drive to the studio… and though it’s super stressful to rush whilst in a daze… AT THE BARRE, it all melts away. Or maybe that’s the sweat talking.
My patio furniture arrived today! Two big ol’ boxes from Costco dropped off at my doorstep.
Though I ignored the boxes for a few hours: went to the movie theater then went to barre. Then ordered a delicious smoothie from Nekter Juice Bar… mmm delicious. Then naturally once it was super dark outside I set out to unbox the enormous boxes and arrange my patio furniture…. real smart move, that one.
There are always solutions to problems. YES I AM DEPRESSED. YES I CRY AT RANDOM INTERVALS. YES I HAVE ISSUES I NEED TO ADDRESS BEFORE I DECIDE TO REALLY SLIT MY WRISTS (I wouldn’t, but the thought crosses my mind which honestly is just too much. Nothing should ever feel that bad.)
But solutions. Solutions, Bri.
Also: I need to focus on reading tomorrow. NO MORE EXCUSES. I have a book club book that’s been just hanging out… and a book I checked out from my new local library… ahhh. And a huge list of books I really want to read this year. FOCUSSSSS.
Kay, past my bedtime!