Claw Point

The year has yet to end. There’s still a month and a half left to 2014. Yet… it seems like this year has been monumentally and inexplicably tirelessly never-ending. In this one year I managed to sell my Bimmer, get an Audi, move into a condo in a new city, got offered a raise/promotion, resigned, worked two jobs for a short period of time, then got a brand new job in a different industry altogether.

Yet right now I feel bored.

Suddenly work is over at 5 on the dot. There isn’t anything pending, no phone calls to expect, no stressors during my spare time. And so I am bored. Despite the fact that I’m now technically in the fashion industry. But fashion is so rarely fun in a work environment where you’re too busy to check the fashion blogs, collections, and news. You get this feeling that people are just working… rather than living and breathing fashion. And right now my work flow is not really my own. I’m being taught how to start a project that I will eventually take over for the duration of the next collection: Resort, deliveries 1 and 2. And eh… it’s just blasé.

I miss my work flow in produce. Things were desperately urgent then. And I had my own contacts and my own tasks. And we were out of there by 2 pm. And I mean… I dunno. I guess I should be content that this new job isn’t permanent. It’s a jumping off point. But I miss produce pretty badly.

I haven’t managed to create a routine yet. Before I would exercise EVERY SINGLE DAY without fail. But too many things have changed. It’s impossible to reclaim what once was.

I feel like everything moved more quickly then. Right now things seem slow and unimportant. Before I would go to work, work out, do something fun, sleep, then rinse and repeat.

Now I … have no structure. And I wake up ungodly late compared to my 4am of yesteryear. I wake up at 6 now. Work doesn’t even start until 8! And what a waste of time I find a one-hour lunch to be because I’m used to working hard hard hard for 3 hours, then munching and browsing the internets for small intervals then working really hard again or working and eating at the same time. It’s bizarre to set time aside to eat. For one whole fucking hour. I mean I guess if I ever have errands to run… but it would be better to just leave work earlier or have a two hour lunch to make time for exercising in the middle of the day then coming back.

But I suppose I should be grateful I was only unemployed for one month.

Things just seem so quiet.

Hm. I’m running for board member in my HOA on Monday… It’s getting a little political and the emails are flooding my inbox. Which I mean… I guess.

Right now I can tell I’m not living for myself. I’m just cycling through the motions. :\ I’m on someone else’s time right now. Waiting for triggers. And before all the things were on my own time. Ugh… Why am I such a malcontent? Adjusting to a whole new life is really finally taking its toll maybe.

I suppose just a little time will make things feel normal-esque again.

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