MonthDecember 2014


Impossible, I realize, to enter another’s solitude. If it is true that we can ever come to know another human being, even to a small degree, it is only to the extent that he is willing to make himself known. A man will say: I am cold. Or else he will say nothing, and we will see him shivering. Either way, we will know that he is cold. But what of the man who says nothing and does not shiver? Where all is intractable, here all is hermetic and evasive, one can do no more than observe. But whether one can make sense of what he observes is another matter entirely.
— Paul Auster, The Invention of Solitude

I had the lovely opportunity of reading a novel by Paul Auster earlier this year (Man in the Dark) and I don’t think I have finished a book that quickly in quite some time. I, in fact, have not read anything in its entirety for quite some time! I think this is because I am so rarely alone these days that my joyous solitary pursuits have fallen to the wayside.

But I am on my way to Big Bear with the family and I hoping that in between cooking, eating, snow merriment — I will be able to prioritize a little reading. One only hopes!

I had higher aspirations for this post but as time is not on my side as per usual, this must suffice.


I have just one mandatory gift left to attain this holiday season! Luckily this one isn’t until the 24th. However, I have to say I probably had the most perfect gift ideas for every single member of my family except the one person I did get for the family Secret Santa. Like really, I was thinking about this weeks in advance, all the different lovely things I could get for any one of my aunts… 🙁 But I didn’t get them for Secret Santa. How horrible. However, I feel I do owe it to my Secret Santa to get the best possible, most thoughtful gift. I feel like some of the guys in the family really get kind of overlooked because it’s so hard to get them anything they might like…

As I was looking at gift guides I came across the most amazing one on except it’s completely unhelpful for my current gift-giving predicament. However! I found the curator of the list, designer of her eponymous line Jenni Kayne, to have impeccable taste. And for that I must share this list.



Mast Brothers chocolate? Ugh, amazing.


Cire Trudon anything? Ugh, amazing.

In fact, last year my mom asked me straight up what I wanted for Christmas… I asked for a Cire Trudon candle. $100. For a candle. She was a little incredulous at the value of such an item. But let me tell you: worth it. So worth it. The candle is sometimes lit at the foyer table on special days only (as in, any day I want to make special). If I could have a Cire Trudon Marie Antoinette bust, a room spray, matches, more candles… you know I would. But it’s so rare that these frivolous wants trump expensive needs or big-ticket purchases such as shoes or a leather jacket…


Hanging class terrarium? Ugh, amazing. I’ve always wanted one but don’t really bother. I rather gift one.


I find buying these sort of mid-price point items rather difficult for oneself but much much much easier to buy as a gift.

Now a $500 pair of shoes? YES. A $200 silk shirt? Naturally. A skincare routine that costs somewhere between the silk shirt and a pair of shoes? There’s no arguing that.

But $12 fancy matches? A $50 Malin + Goetz Cannabis candle? They’re harder to justify, these erstwhile niceties that I have only ever had one instance of before? Harder to repurchase or consider again.

I’m so excited for this week and next week and the week after! Parties, celebrations, family time.

Shopping Season & Misc.

My heart is pitter-pattering for a lot of things lately (which bothers me). Mainly because it’s the holiday season and there are so many purdy things to be had. (Excuses, excuses…)

But small case in point:


How gorgeous do these loaves of bread look? My kitchen has a similar bread nook and ~trust~ it looks nothing like this. Also, I just randomly stumbled upon this photo two minutes ago. It’s a SIGN. Actually I don’t believe in signs. But: Mmm, bread. Mmm, a rustic kitchen. Mmm, a paper bag with French writing on it. RIDIC.

Anyway. There’s an Anthony Green concert in January I want to attend. Though I’m wondering if he’s just playing old solo songs because his last solo album was super flat and mediocre if you ask me. And I hate saying that about my main musical man.

There are tons of movies I need to go see this weekend. I’m pretty excited for a little solo movie adventuring. No talking, no listening, no thinking. Just pure visceral visual stimulation. Mmmm.

I should perhaps also stop Mmmmm-ing.

Also Christmas music by Relient K? BEST. But of course I am also cycling through Christmas albums like A Santa Cause 1 and 2: It’s a Punk Rock Christmas. Uh but these are all from the early 2000s… are there any newer rock Christmas albums out?! Or is that a thing rock bands no longer do? Because I can’t seem to find any newer Christmas rock albums… Or I’m just not really as “in the loop” as before.

Also… for not wearing my heels very often, why do I always want more? I should probably work on getting *shelves* installed in my closet first… before continuing to crave more heels. But ah ah ah… sale season. And Gianvitto Rossi for Altuzarra… 🙁 🙁 Want. Though I’m sure the want is very temporary. BESIDES I already have the slingback in nude suede. I’ve worn them 3x…


However, how interesting that the d’orsay heels are made of wool! Not suede. WOOL. That’s fairly innovative for a heel. However, the heel height on these babies is perhaps what keeps me from wearing the nude suede pair very often. They’re like valet to dinner table. And I don’t “go out to dinner” often enough… I go out to family brunch more often. Which definitely calls for my Prada flats or Sam Edelman sandals. Note to self: wear heels more often.

OK there, I’ve talked myself out of wanting the heels. That linen tee tho… Mmm, linen. OK that was my last one, promise!

Things to do:

  • Read. Fucken forreal.
  • Write letter back to Maria. She just sent me her new address.
  • Go to the movies.
  • What am I doing to lose weight by 12/20? Or is this a lost cause? Oops.

Quote of the Day:

“Meaning is man-created. And because you constantly look for meaning, you start to feel meaninglessness.”

I like floating around in my own meaninglessness. Just a speck of space dust marveling at all the other specks of dust and how they make all of space a beautiful sight, one speck at a time.

Waiting for:

  • Christmas Party time.
  • Thursdays. Serial podcast. OH YAS.
  • 2 Fedex packages. Eeeeee!!!

I feel like Thanksgiving just came and went so very quickly… I want that feeling again. Being among a lot of really loving family members, drinking, eating, feeling merry. I went to my aunt’s house last night to pick up some rice to accompany my dinner and she offered me tequila. Lulz. I refused but I WAS TEMPTED. Family and merry times? I’m so there.

I should also perhaps mention I had a cat for two months. She and I are no longer together. Charlotte got a terminal illness and she was put to sleep. Our time together was so short-lived. I haven’t even moved her food tray away yet. It just happened so suddenly. I was only barely getting to know the kitty. She only lived for 10 months. What a sad way to go. Poor kitten.

Will this year ever end?

Longest, most eventful year to date.