Does it matter anyway?


Are you in the sky?
Are you in my mind?
Could I look into your eyes?

Are you in the rays?
Are you in the shade?
Does it matter anyway?

How could I know?
Where do you go?
Where are you going?
How could I know?

Are we out of touch?
Do we talk too much?
Have I said enough?

Were you in the fire?
Did you pass me by?
Will I always wonder why?

Are you in disguise?
Are you undefined?
Should I look into the light?

Are you out of sight?
On the other side?
Should I slip into the night?

How could I know?
Where do you go?
Where are you going?
How could I know?

Who are
You are
We are

— the Soil & the Sun, “Are You?”

My coworker stepped out for a good hour just now and she’s been monopolizing the air waves with cheesy 80s pop and 90s throwbacks. While I’ve enjoyed the good run, I immediately decided to slip into the musical equivalent of a silk nightgown.

I immediately got filled with emotion where I felt like I couldn’t quite breathe and my eyes started watering pretty hardcore. Anthony Green, Sufjan Stevens, Andrew Bird, the Soil & the Sun, Lost in the Trees — these are some of the artists that really fucking move me, usually to tears.

Since last year, things seem to be moving at an exponential rate. New experiences are being had almost every day and as a result I seem to learn something new about life every day.

It just feels like that place where I wanted to be when I was in high-school… is here. I am at that point. In high-school I wanted college to be done and over with, I wanted to be at a steady job, with a home, with happiness and with love and with life excitement.

Certainly on a daily basis I can get sad 2393745738475 times and feel happy an equal amount of times, too. It doesn’t really have much bearing on my overall happiness of┬ámy present situation. I just feel like I’m on the right path to wherever I’m supposed to go. Maybe happiness is just an extremely foreign feeling to me that I’m sort of flailing my arms about going, “woah woah what is this sudden situation?” like it’s far from my norm of yesteryear. Or maybe this is what lots and lots of sex does to me. Things just seem to melt away. I’m mostly kidding about attributing happiness to sex… fucken lmao.

I should probably delete the above for privacy’s sake. But uh… Does it matter anyway?

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