After my fun day on Monday, Tuesday began a little bit slower. I awoke early and just got ready and then pretty much chilled in front of the TV for a while, even though it makes my brain feel like mush when I do watch TV for a long period of time (more than 1 hour). My day was spent lazying about the house and lalalala. Lols. By late afternoon my auntie Meme came over and we went to the salon so we could get our hair dyed. My hair is a dark red-ish color now. (: I was getting way too tired of the black. Hopefully in a month I can go back and dye it even redder (the way it used to be).

^ The above was written some time last week. No time to update. Well, I suppose I could make time, but aside from giving detailed accounts of everything I’ve been doing (summed up: been super social) there isn’t anything else I want to share.

I’ll watch it all come down come next week or sometime soon-ish. Never know!

My longest-time friend (7 years) called me sometime before noon to say she was out of class; she attends csulb. From there we went to go eat at panda express, but I don’t really like Chinese fast food. Ehh it’s just food needed to survive. Afterward we to the new AT&T store across the street from panda. I bought my iphone – and it only took about 2 minutes. Hah, exciting. Tbh, I hate the iphone and love it all the same.

From there we went to Justine’s apartment in long beach. It is so cute!! It’s two stories, with the bedrooms upstairs. Grecia and Lillian, old friends from my first high-school, live with her. We watched Bewitched, the movie, and then we watched some eps of the old show. When we were tired of that Justine and I went to the market so she could cook dinner for us. Before we ate we played DDR. Both of us are pretty damn good so we played on standard and heavy … Except I haven’t played in months so I got tired really fast.

After we ate we played some more and she dropped me off at home. I’m now watching some show on the history channel called Cities of the Underworld: New York. Very interesting!! After it’s over I’m going to sleep. Tomorrow, hopefully I can go get my hair dyed.

iLoveyou <3

Friday afternoon we had a wonderful closing ceremony for FSSP in which the Hip Hop club and Folklorico danced for us… as well as a secret performance by the Tim Sakatani, Romy, and Zekee!! Wow, Romy can dance so well! I’m almost positive she choreographed that dance for them. It was amazing, honestly. During dinner of the ceremony Kristie took to drawing pictures of us all with a random symbol on the shirts of the drawing. Mine’s was a rose.

Later that night I did laundry with Alex and Sandy. Then, we all took pictures in the same order as the drawing, with printed out versions of our symbol.

By the time Sandy and David were done packing it was pretty late, but we agreed to have a slumber party in my dorm room as a sort of farewell to our time spent in FSSP. We went to get Freebirds and brought it back to my room while watching Phantom of the Opera. Uh, then we started dancing … and lalala. At 4AM we realized we needed to be awake at 6AM and resolved to go to bed. We even had six alarms ready to wake us up should we be too sleepy to actually get up. We didn’t go to bed right away as we kept dancing… in the dark… with each other. Dirty style. ;] lmao… I’m so glad David’s gay because that would have been rather awkward! No details. (: By 4:30am we knew it was time to sleep. Sandy and I slept together ;] lol and David slept on a make-shift bed of sorts on the floor (lolol).

Moving began at 7am… and I didn’t finish with everything until noon.

I fuhreaking x love my new room! It’s gorgeous, really really really big, and just … amazing. I wonder if it’s mean of me to have claimed the window side of the room already… as I am already moved in and my roommate gets there next Sunday. ! Haha, oh wells.

Lots of minor things happened, some of which I twittered about. ^_^

I arrived at my Auntie Elle’s sometime around 4pm. She showered and got ready, then took me to my mom’s house (Mom was at work at the time) so I could do the same, so we could celebrate my Uncle George’s birthday. We went to this Mexican restaurant with a dance floor and really bomb ass music. I danced a lotttt. ♥ And, I hardly ate. I love the combination!

I got home perhaps 45 minutes ago and am taking care of the blogathon, though the entry is an hour too late, but eh. I’m being extremely lenient so long as I actually do blog. That’s the important part. I’m awake and pretty energetic considering I only slept those two hours. This week is going to be spectacular.

Dance with me.

Saturday

• 8am: Move from one dorm residence to another! ACK.
• 10am-1pm: Drive back home~
• Night-time: Celebrate Uncle’s birthday!

Sunday

• 11am: Brunch w/ David & Elizabeth

Tuesday

• 4PM: Go with Auntie Meme to get our hair dyed at our fave salon.

Wednesday

• Hang out w/ Sandy & David

Thursday

• Hang out w/ Justine at her apartment.

Friday

• Hang out w/ Paula!! <3

…

CURRENTLY, I’m packing… ackkk. It’s so hard to know what to pack and where to start. I keep circling in my room just putting random things in boxes. Packing = teh sux.

—————-
Now playing: Justin Timberlake – What Comes Around Goes Around
via FoxyTunes

And for some strange reasons I am reminded of the conversation Rob and I had once upon a time. It seems like a different life altogether. College really did begin a new life for me, and everything in the past has been left behind. Everything. Except I’m up for admitting that sometimes I go check Rob’s LJ to see how he’s progressing. Strange, but I was never upset, and I am still very much interested in his well-being. To this day I ask myself if all emotions were feigned. Well, actually, I rather not delve into that. It’s a different topic altogether.

Despite my goal for a blogathon, I was unable to blog yesterday, but since I’m not part of an official “challenge” it’s an exception. I was, after all, writing an essay for Ethics. When I write I’m never quite sure, but I think it turned out alright. Let’s just hope the T.A. thinks so, too.

Night approached quickly today. I didn’t even touch my computer today, except for now, to blog. FSSP is ending much too quickly, and these past six weeks have changed my life — for the better, of course. When fall quarter starts, I will be a seasoned freshman ready to take on the world.

Oh, and I feel offended. Hah.

You’re repeating me lines that you think I wanna hear
But I don’t wanna hear anymore
As if sorry is any consolation
For what it’s worth, you’re stringing me along
Sh-sh-shouldn’t need anyone
Shouldn’t need anyone
Just scared of being alone
But by the time you figure this out
And I’m already gone

And, I won’t bother explaining these lyrics.

It’s been a while since I’ve had an insightful “ending line.” I wonder what ever happened to those.

So, maybe, I lost my wit.

—————-
Now playing: Something Corporate – Me and the Moon
via FoxyTunes

I did not sleep this morning. At 7AM I was still talking to Twinkie, and then I took a shower and got ready for the day. After class ended I just sort of passed out on my bed until it was time for my 5pm class. After that class ended, Toby got us In-N-Out. Yummm. And, that’s totally all I ate today. Random schedule.

And that was my day.

My contacts burn. And my eyes are threatening to close. I’m more sleepy than anything else. My mind is a blur, and this feels like the perfect time to write and be weak, caught unaware.

Three hours later.

I went to go check my mail. My CD arrived — SKSK’s Faces. Then I went to go look at the shiny Macbooks at the campus Bookstore.

Now that I’m back on campus everything that happened earlier, everything that happened yesterday seems pointless to mention. And I rather not discuss the details of the argument between my mother and I. It’s all irrelevant and it never happened.

Perhaps I’ll add to this entry later today. I’m only just barely holding on.

My imagination is starting to run rampant at an unhealthy pace. They’re thoughts that I don’t wish to delve into and I REFUSE to even acknowledge them on my blog. The thoughts have to remain forever in my thoughts as I’m not proud of them in any way. They are unrealistic, and fucking needy. Yes, yes, and currently I am very annoyed at myself. More than that, I am in a pitiful state that I even had to stop reading to write this. These vague hopes and dreams are taking over my dreams, and my every day thought. Vague notions haunt me in my dreams! At what point in time did I become an unopened letter to the world? Hah, that’s what I compared myself to in a poem I wrote during senior year for AP English. It’s fitting, and I’m glad I thought of it.

As I recall with my stomach turning
I was hiding away from myself,
Away from you
Like nothing, though something was terribly wrong
and I admit that I was only waiting for the right time (night time)
The right moment for you to look away
though you never did I pretended for a while

Honestly, I want to sit in a dark corner of a room right now, away from all the light of the sun as we begin the family barbecue. I’m playing my emo shit on the laptop, not connected to the speakers… and it clashes horribly with the upbeat Spanish rock playing on those speakers for all to hear. Suddenly I feel pretentious … as though my depression were a facade, but if I act happy or content, it feels like a facade, too. Oh, oh! It’s because I’m in an “in-between” stage of apathy. That has to be it.

Here comes another decision: should this entry be public or private? I struggle with this issue quite frequently. If I make it private, I’m just going to have Ryan ask me the password and I’ll shrug it off like the entry is no big deal and give him the password. After all, it’s been many many many months since I’ve bothered having a serious conversation with Ryan. The silent agreement of nothing but frivolous talk.

And in the end, I know what it comes down to, but I refuse to admit it. I can’t be honest with even myself. Suddenly, this feels like deja vu, but all memories of the past have faded. Who am I? I mean, really, who am I? Who do I want to be?

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So… I’m making small attempts at “letting people in” but again it just makes me want to shut up and stop sharing. It’s very likely that I’ll never open up to anyone. I rather like it considering I feel ill when I do betray myself. Who am I kidding??!! No one cares. Ugh. So now I feel very annoyed at myself.

My little brother’s friend said I look 13. It’s more saddening than you think. I’m so fucking tired of looking like a little kid. I can’t be taken seriously that way! Yeah, sure when I’m 30 it’ll be a good thing, but that’s in a million years. My twin aunts are 31 now and they barely look like… 25, max.

Anyway, I leave back for UCSB tomorrow, and I really missed it a lot. It’s my home now, seriously. I should take the 2:55pm train so I can get back to SB a quarter ’till 6pm to have dinner with Toby.

We celebrated Mom’s birthday today. I wrote a lot of Tweets on it… lol.

I’m currently watching Fracture. Looove it.

This entry is done. Something exciting is bound to happen soon, it has to… or this will be a very boring month of too many boring entries.

Everyone on my floor was out and about last night partying. It was intense. David and I hadn’t eaten so at 12:30am we went to Freebirds and sure enough, his whole floor (definitely a party floor) and my whole floor was there. We also saw a drunk Toby… ahahah. Pretty funny stuff, really. I was in my gangster sweats and a black hoodie, pulled up… XD; I felt pretty damn gangstah, especially compared to all the girls in their pretty clothes and shoes they had worn to party. Okay, so I wanted to make it clear that I wasn’t partying! And, I feel like a Hispanic gangster when I wear sweats… lmfao.

David wanted to go back to my room to eat, but I said hells to the nah. He makes too much of a mess when he eats and my room was heeelllla messy this week (it even threw off the good vibes and feng shui and shit). So, we ate at the HSSB Patio. (: It was eerie, but I loved it, except for when David would repeatedly say, “The devil can see you.” I’m not a believer, but that was scary. Grr. I only ate half the quesadilla (geezus Freebirds serves GIANT portions), while David ate all of his. Intense much?

Erm… I’m not sure what else to say. I suppose I’ll mention I missed L.A. :] Haha, it was so scary… this black man asked me to help him with a favor. >>; He was like, “Can you say, ‘May I speak to Samantha?’” I was like, “WTF???” but it went to voicemail. Lmfao. That was fucking intense. Then some Hispanic lady that couldn’t speak English asked me how to get to Hill St. and 7th. TBH, I didn’t know so when the next bus came I asked for her and led her in the right direction (I hope). Finally, Meme, Mary, Brian, and Lil’ Midori came to pick me up. We went to dinner at Suehiro♥ [my fave little Japanese restaurant in J-town] on 1st st.

Now I’m at Meme’s place. I’mma sleep over here since Downtown LA is like … right there! It’s faster and more convenient than taking me to Mom’s house and then have her drive back home. Plus, Mom is busy preparing for dinner tomorrow… she hasn’t told anyone what she’s cooking. We’re celebrating her birthday (but she wanted to cook) tomorrow. Her actual birthday is on 9/11. Meep! Yeah, and I can’t be here on Tuesday. I’ve got class and all that jazz.

And… I have an Ethics essay due on… Thursday? I’ll have to double check on that, though, but I’m pretty sure he said the 13th. There are two topics, but I’m clearly going to choose this next one:

Give a clear and detailed summary of J.J. Thomson’s arguments for why abortion is morally
permissible in the case of rape and in some cases of unwanted pregnancy (approx 3 to 3 ½
pages). Your summary, at the very least, should include discussion of the ‘violinist case’ as well
as the ‘people seed case’.
After you have explained her arguments, weigh in with your own reasoned evaluation of her
arguments (approx 1 to 1 ½ pages).

It’s pretty darn easyyy. I love Intro to Ethics. The class is interesting and the assignments are easy for me ‘cus I like the subject material and shiiiz. This is the second paper for the class, the first in which I got an A-. Most people got Bs, and the average was like 83% or something like that. So.. yey! ^_^ Ouch, I just checked the grades for Phil 4, and one girl I was talking to said she failed the 4th quiz. She’s the only one that failed. -_-; She currently has a D+. Talk about OUCH. I feel bad for her. =\ Anyway… I’m doing pretty well in that class and we still have 55% of our grade left up for grabs. ^_^ Exciiiiting.

Aites, well… I think I’m gonna listen to my music now or who knows. David is out partying so it’s not like I can talk to him. And Teekwidca (ze Ryan)  is idle, though I suspect he’s asleep. Damn those East Coast people that actually like to sleep. Twinkie sleeps at crazy hoursss which helps to talk to him. Fo’ sho. Lmao, this entry = crap. That’s OK. I can learn to deal.

/end

As I was using the StumbleUpon plugin it went to the Way Back Machine (which I definitely already knew about), and starting looking for my old blog when it was at Dakishime.Net. I found 4 entries from 2004 that I did not manage to save when I moved over from DakiNET to Heart-strutter.org. So, I just copy & pasted the old entries and re-added them to my blog. They’re really retarded entries, but they’re memories nonetheless.

Today, I got my Pacsun clothes. :] Yeah, I totally did some online shopping last week and all my packages are arriving. lol. ^_^; Anyway, that’s what happens when you’re hypomanic…  you like to spend money. *shrugs*

I’m going home tomorrow to spend time with my mother as it’s her birthday on Tuesday (9/11), but considering I’m in SB I can’t go over there on Tuesday. This weekend is so big for FSSP and I won’t even be here!! Kinda sad, but ehh… it’s my mother, yannoe? And it’s her birthday~ Birthdays are a big deal to me.

I can’t believe I wrote, “I truly believe I am a pirate. FSSP 2007″ on my forehead today. Ahaha, it’s for Pirates vs. Ninjas and that was the safety! My Ethics professor asked me about it, and luckily another girl had it on her forehead, too, so it made it less awkward. xD; Ah, fun stuff.

Was this over before it ever began?
*le sigh*

It feels much better to know that you won’t feel a thing.
Well don’t talk about it;
Write it down but don’t ask for help.
I can’t be honest with even myself.
Did you ever wish you were somebody else?

This is how I lead my life. I will continually be better able to express my emotion in words written to no one in particular [blog]. And then this morning I betrayed a hidden part of myself to someone. And it makes me feel sick. Hopefully I can stop at the point in which I did and all confessionals of mine forgotten soon. Though I hate to admit it, I rather be seen as a “cute-sy” naive little girl, than let anyone in on the real me.

I almost just want to make an all-lyrics entry. You know, I can just quote all the lyrics that represent how I feel, but that would be the easier way of getting out of explaining myself.

Honestly, I’m only blogging because of the blogathon, but I don’t have anything of substance to say. Today started off very well, and I seem sort of apathetic right now. On the bright side, I got Paramore’s Riot and Circa Survive’s On Letting Go in the mail today from Bestbuy.com.  Alright, so I’m a little late in getting those CDs, but it’s only because I need to take some ACTION in listening to new music that will serve to inspire me.

When you open up
You let yourself seem vulnerable
And the morning sun
Will make our bodies comfortable
In taking off your clothes
Everything hidden is suddenly exposed

You’ll keep it on the inside
‘Cause that’s the safest place
‘Cause that’s the safest place to hide

Interestingly enough, two unexpected people called me today; Valerie and E.H. called. Like always the latter called to ask for my opinion on the very same topic he always asks about. My opinion will not change, so I don’t understand the redundancy in asking me continually. The former called to ask how I’m doing. My response? Read my blog. I rely too heavily on what I write. I can’t bring myself to say anything — it’s just too hard to express myself.

For FSSP, both towers are playing Ninjas vs. Pirates. It’s kinda fun doing the safeties and trying to walk discreetly in the halls to make sure the person that needs to attack you isn’t hanging around the corner. It’d be very easy to attack the person I have, but I haven’t really made any attempts. She’s too far away; she’s on a far away floor in the other tower. Hahah.

So today I fixed Hailey’s laptop. And I am now realizing that I only ate once today, but that’s okay. “Billy’s” letter got sent out today. Yesterday, I sent out Linda’s. I’m waiting for Elizabeth’s letter, which will hopefully be longgg. I have resumed my “exercises”, but not as much as I used to. In steps! XD; I’m doing half of what I used to do… emo. Anyway, some is better than none. David and Hailey spent the greater part of the day in my room, and that was fun. Not too much else.
This entry is rather random, and I’m sleepy already. No, it’s more like I’m just too depressed to keep forcing these thoughts. Twitter is awesome. Everyone should at least consider joining. I enabled it on my cell, too, so now I can describe what I’m doing at all times of the day, even on-the-go. (:

My love is mutilation.

—————-
Now playing: Circa Survive – The Difference Between Medicine And Poison Is In The Dose
via FoxyTunes

How is it that so much time passes between each entry?! It’s definitely not from lack of things to say because this week I’ve been social (particularly this weekend) and done a gazillion things.

I’ve just re-read my entries and I now realize that I missed many crucial events. Tempting is the thought of using bullet points… but I shall not! Maybe. It’d be easier…

Last weekend, I went home to celebrate my Auntie Elle’s birthday. David and his older sister came, too! It was great and etc. And… for the first time in a million (like 5?) years, I danced. *cringes* The reason I did it was because David’s sister wouldn’t dance unless I did, so I got up and accompanied them both. Strangely, it feels as though I’ve written this before, but there have been no entries since the 23rd of August, a long time ago by my blogging standards.

Goal: Blogathon for the month of September. Starting today. I did it in February, so I can do it again. This means: at least one entry per day.

Friday, I went to State St. and watched Halloween with Sandy. We stopped by a ton of cute stationary stores, and made a trip to Borders. I got three new books~ :] Saturday, I went to the market and Michael’s. Then I watched Dead Silence and Zodiac. 8th floor played Guitar Hero. Sunday, Toby took me and Sandy to dinner. Toby paid for me♥ (likely because I paid for her one time). We freaking x love each other, I think. XD; After dinner Sandy came to my room and never left… because we didn’t sleep. Lmao. Well, she cheated. She took a 2 hour nap while I was chatting with my twinkie and showering, done separately, of course. As Monday began, and I had not slept, Sandy and I went to go eat breakfast. After breakfast I returned to my super awesome room (that people don’t ever like to leave *coughsandyanddavidcough*) and turned on the TV. There was a Law & Order: SVU Marathon (at 8am wtf!) but… er… I passed out until 4pm.

This now means my blog is updated.

Recap entries are so boring, but a necessary evil for I will forget what it is I’ve done with my life. :< I’m thinking there will be another entry later today. There are many things on my mind. The only problem now is whether or not I will divulge, and if the entry will be private or not.

The best thing I can think to do right now is leave it alone.

I fucking loved the comments in my last entry. With all my heart, thanks.