Heeeey! So yannoe… it’s pretty “in” this time of year to feel shitty. Let’s be real - that doesn’t make me feel any better. But at least we can all commiserate with one another! Most everyone I’m asking feels kinda down, not gonna lie.

Though yesterday wasn’t so bad. Breathe. All it takes is a little avoidance. Not necessarily the best coping method but whatever works right? Plus I watched Fringe and 90210! And today I caught up on yesterday and last week’s eps of Privileged. Nothing like a *little* bit of mindless TV to help out the soul right?

My absolutely wonderful Teekwidca has been helping me get through these days of depression, too. We have this great friendship chemistry. This December we’ll have been friends for 4 years (and we’re still close)! Admittedly there was a small bump in the road where I did the usual bullshit “let’s NOT be friends” but we get past things pretty easily. Thank goodness! I need someone, that, when pushed away, will push back. -_-; I think that’s what I really secretly want. *shrugs*

It also helped talking about some o’ my problems with both Elizabeth and Teekwidca. Talking actually helps… who would have thought!

Book I’m reading now: Snow Country by Yasunari Kawabata! I really loved Beauty and Sadness by him when I read it in 10th grade. (: I’m determined to accomplish my goal of reading 12 books this year. Thus far I’ve only read 8, and now I’m on my 9th (I’m not counting Metamorphosis as a novel I read since that’s a short story, even though it’s in my Now Reading library).

*a few hours later*

Well… this entry was started at about 1pm. It’s 6pm now. Attended classes. Went to Starbucks to read. Then to Borders to read. I needed some alone time somewhere beside my apartment (which gets me moar depressed btw) just to clear my head. Unfortunately, it led to more thinking and some pretty emo introspective thought. Total FAIL. -_-; Ahhh *shrugs* I seriously feel like going out for a run or something.

Geez, I’m definitely very Bri Bear… I hibernate during this time of year. Sleep to let the bad times pass. Sleeeeep is the only answer. *sigh* I haven’t even been able to eat much lately either. Lyfe sux. Kbai. I go die nao. ^_^;

This may be the fourth entry I’ve started on my blog. All have gotten discarded. I’ve written a few important things on them, yes, but… details are unimportant.

I’m not okay.

Editz: So as to not be so dramatic:

This photo makes my heart stop. ^_^;

So last night after watching Role Models with ze Rony dearest (and watching the Twilight preview) I knew instantly I was going to give in and read that blasted Twilight series. Out of some slight fear of disliking the books (very slight), I only bought the first two of four. And so, sitting at Borders, I began my descent into the world of the Twilight series. Immediately I was taken in and completely absorbed.

Rony wasn’t having much luck finding a book to her liking so we were only there a little bit under and hour and we headed back home, but not without the book on my mind already. We go home, attempted to watch a A.I. but since I’d watched it a million and one times I couldn’t bare to go through it again. So instead I rushed off to the bedroom and kept reading. And reading. And reading. Until finally it was 5am and my contacts were starting to annoy me. Regardless I woke up after a few hours and finished it. (: I am done with book 1!

As I was reading… I could feel my heart stuck in my throat, and I could only barely breathe. There was such an overwhelming sense of attraction to Edward Cullen I didn’t know what to do with myself (uh… that sounds wrong, a lil’ bit ey?) So badly I yearned to wake up Rona and squeal like a little romanced child. His bodily and facial perfection were enough to drive me mad. Edward’s ever-changing temperament was enough to satiate my need for perpetual excitement, a really delightful feeling. From him, no reaction was ever expected and I loved how he progressed through anger, confusion, humor, and happiness so very quickly. The words for my adoration for him came much more easily at the first signs of morning and now I’m more speechless than anything.

In a small way, Edward made me feel as though I could feel again. And for a short while (the few hours it took me to read and finish the book) I wanted to love someone so passionately as Bella loved Edward. I even believed I was capable of it! Maybe I will be some day… And admittedly at one point I had to stop reading, just stop because I could hardly take it! There was only one person on my mind with whom I wanted to share my emotions.

Oh Edward, Edward, how can you be doing this to me?

*is so stoked for the first movie*

Editz: Lolol….

[06:55] xportrait bruise: i miss edward
[06:55] survivorulez23: omggg
[06:55] survivorulez23: lol
[06:55] xportrait bruise: i’m not kidding
[06:55] xportrait bruise: didya read my blog?
[06:55] xportrait bruise: he sparked in me some longing to LOVE someone
[06:55] xportrait bruise: *sigh*
[06:55] xportrait bruise: and now i feel hopelessly empty inside
[06:56] survivorulez23: aww thats emo!
[06:56] survivorulez23:
[06:56] xportrait bruise: I KNOW
[06:56] survivorulez23: well edward loves you
[06:56] xportrait bruise: that’s why i miss him
[06:56] xportrait bruise: uhm
[06:56] xportrait bruise: he loves BELLE
[06:56] survivorulez23: you miss him??
[06:56] xportrait bruise: fucking bastard
[06:56] survivorulez23: read the second book
[06:56] survivorulez23: lol
[06:56] xportrait bruise: miss him in the sense that i need to read more of what happens
[06:56] survivorulez23: i heard he slices her throat open and calls her a bitch!
[06:56] xportrait bruise: but…. if i finish the second i don’t have the third or fourth yet
[06:57] survivorulez23: thats true
[06:57] xportrait bruise: FIND ME SOMEONE THAT LOVES ME
[06:57] xportrait bruise: ):
[06:57] survivorulez23: harry potter?
[06:57] survivorulez23: idk!
[06:57] xportrait bruise: EW
[06:57] xportrait bruise: he’s a damn dirty guy
[06:57] xportrait bruise: fuck that
[06:57] xportrait bruise: fuck that shit
[06:57] xportrait bruise: oh hell no
[06:58] survivorulez23: but he wants you
[06:58] xportrait bruise: he sexes horses. haven’t you heard?
[06:58] survivorulez23: lol well…
[06:58] survivorulez23: jk jk
[06:58] xportrait bruise: *laughing so hard irl right nao*
[06:58] xportrait bruise: i know you can hear me!!