Disclaimer: I don’t pretend to know where the accents go, and I’m not even going to try. And my spelling could be waaaay off, but hell it’s my blog and III know what I’m saying. (:

Nunca pense que iva decir esto pero estrano los dias de high-school. Ase un momento estava viendo unas fotos de dos amigos… bueno, no hablavamos todos los dias pero ellos etavan en mis clases… y pues… Pienso que mis dias en high-school se fueron a perder. ): Definitivamente yo podria ser differente esos dias, y en verdad si deviria por estava muy deprimida. Ahora esos dias an pasado y no ay nada que se puede acer. Porque tenia que ser asi? *sigh*

No importa. Tengo que vivir ahora sin limites.

DAMNN. Shit sounds so cheesy in Spanish. Lmao. Even more so than English… And for that reason I stop the Spanish now. And wth. My ~Japanese~ final is tomorrow. Better start thinking in my third language, fo’ sho status.

Wow… I feel so… inspired atm. Lol… ^^; I feel like doing some life-altering changes and shiz like that… XD Ah funnnnnyyyyyy. (:

I love speaking in Spanish. Lmao… Gloria said I sound like a rich-girl in Spanish. -_-; Ooookay my Spanish is real proper ok? It’s not the first time people have told me this… but whatever!!!! Love my Spanish, aites? ^_^;

Oh heyyy Sandy made carne asada tacos for me, Gloria, and herself. Yeeeahhh. So delicious~

STUDY TIMEEEE! Push depression and anxiety away. Seriously.

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So all day today I’ve been cracking my knuckles, and feeling really itchy. Itchy on my arms, face, legs, stomach, neck, back, and I can’t even seem to stop this antsy feeling. UGHHH. I’m thinking I’m feeling stressed, but this is beyond ridiculous. There’s nothing to stress about!!! There’s this constant feeling of being on edge like I’m about to take an exam. Maybe it’s because Japanese is over on Friday and we have both an oral interview and our final that day. Oh, not to mention a vocab quiz tmrw and a kanji quiz Thursday. But whatever… I’ve had a quiz everyday for the past 5 weeks. So it’s uh… nothing new? WHAT THE FUCKKKKK.

I guess I’ve been so wrapped up in my life I forgot my aunt Elvia’s birthday is coming up on the 25th. Hell, I barely even know what day it is anymore. The days have been ~FLYING~ by (except this week of course… *cries*). The last time I looked at the calendar it was like … the 12th or something like that. How the hell is it the 19th already?

Anyway, Meme called me today saying we are celebrating El’s birthday at some hotel in Downey on Saturday. I wasn’t planning on going back home until the 12th of September (because I have a tea party (yes, forserious) and the Nightwish concert on the 13th)… but RIGHT NOW I just remembered my mother’s birthday is on the 11th. Holy shitttt man, where is my memory?

My body feels sort of shaky as I’m typing this and I kinda just want to uh CRY. o_o; What’s the source of my stress? I thought I knew, but I guess not? UGHHH living day by day sucks real bad. It provides no analysis for my stress… *tries to get calm but still wanna cry* WHERE ARE THESE EMOTIONS COMING FROM?!

I guess I can’t keep ignoring my emotions… that sillyyyy lil’ word that actually means something. There’s NO TIME for fuckin’ introspection. *panics* OKOKOK Whatever… I need to get over this anxiety and just breathe. Go to work, watch a fun movie, and relax. WOAH my hands ARE shaking. HAHAHA…. okay.

Well……. whatever. WALK IT OFF… o_o;

Tbh, I don’t want to go back home. *cradles self* I really don’t. I can’t remember how my mother and I left off… good terms/bad terms? UGH damnit I hate my fucking awful memory. I just know that one time she came to drop shit off she was here for only an hour and then couldn’t stand being here and left… *shrugs* I think we sent each other emails a few times since then? Oh, I called her one time about a health-related question. Thankfully I asked Meme if I could stay with her and she agreed but then said only for a few days (I’ll be done with summer school by Friday). That made me feel pretty bad and then I kinda didn’t want to go anymore… She elaborated and said Mary and I don’t get along. Our personalities are too similar and we just dun get along. And oh yeah, she’s pregnant… meaning more grouchy than usual.

Help.

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For the first time in a long time I acted ~real~ (as opposed to fake). It happened this weekend when Chita and Piale arrived from Downey to hang out with David. You’d figure I’d be real with my friends, the ones I hang out with all the time, but I’m not…

Not even once have I betrayed any of my insecurities to any of them, and they don’t really know just how depressed I get, the things I stress over, etc. It’s especially with Sandy that I’m worried. She shares quite a lot with me… but I can’t ever get rid of my fake voice and fake thoughts with her. I just can’t. And I don’t know what it is. =\ It bothers me because if she doesn’t know me, well… then who does? (Besides Elizabeth) Like… yo, nobodyyyy.

Am I worried? Not overly. Is it worth thinking about? Yeah, probably. Will I change? Chances, no.

As a side note: Bonding with a drunk person while entirely sober is reaaaal awkward. And it sucks them not remembering the next morning either. *shrugs*

Oh em gee. Only a few more days of Japanese left. I am ECSTATIC. My brain is sooo tired. And today Kobayashi-sensei asked all of us how many hours we slept and it ranged from 3 to 6. Like damn. And we are all there from 8am to 12:20pm. It’s a damn harsh world. I actually got 6 hours!! (: So I was waaay awake and bumpin’. Didn’t even need coffee today~ YEEEAH. That’s tight, homie. Forreal.

OH MAN. I am depressed, officially. But I keep myself busy!!! Can’t stop to think about it. At least not until Japanese is over. ^_^ Right now is crunch time. Fo’ sho man. 4 more days. And one whole chapter. And a final. And an oral interview. This is gonna be daaaamn hectic…  but… once it’s over it’s over!!! *happyhappy*

Hmm… I already took a nap today, but I need to take another. And then I’ll wake up to do homework and study for the kanji quiz. I just can’t think right now. So sleeeeepy. z_z;

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yes, that is a dinosaur… (: feeling cutesy, but sad inside~ hahaha
-added after writing entry, just for uhm… kicks-
(haven’t worn makeup in 5 wks… still no makeup here ughhh)

Uh… I always find it sort of funny when people discuss with me just how much they miss their beloved other half. I’m honestly the worst person to talk to and expect some kind of empathy ‘cus uh you know… I’m not attached to anyone. And like, in my opinion, there’s always next weekend to hang out with your loverperson, yannoe? I feel sort of cruel thinking that way, but dude… people aren’t attached with crazy glue or anything. Let people breathe~ because uh YAH you can live without them, believe it or not.

Anyway, this week fucking flew me by. Just yesterday it felt like I attended my AS Program Board meeting but those are on Monday… and it’s already Thursday. WTH YO. I mean… good thing! It means another week of Japanese is fuhreaking x over!!! (One more week to go… (not entirely true… once fall starts a whole year of it… but I can’t think that far ahead))

Fuck, I feel sick. Like shaky, nervous, scared… PROCEED WITH CAUTION. *nods*

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Heyyyy. I’m feeling kinda energetic right now. Not gonna lie, I took a five-hour “nap” just now. Haha and now that I’m awake it’s time to start homework, after blogging of course.

I got both my midterm and oral performance grades back. On the latter I got 14/15, which is an A-, and on the midterm also got an A- or B+, but not sure on the number out of 50 because we had to turn those back in. Honestly, neither were ~that~ hard, but at the same time I was really freaking out about them. So much so I lost sleep over it. Been having lots of Japanese-class related nightmares lately, ugh. Not pleasant at all!

Worked yesterday and we had just under 200 people at the movie! Not as great as last week, where the final count was 303, but still pretty good for a summer movie, I think! And just gonna reiterate, but I frick’n looove going up on stage and making the announcements. hahaha… I dun gots stage fright really (I say this now, but if I had to memorize lines I’d forget the moment I went up there). The movie was pretty long! 2.5 hrs. And I’d already seen Narnia: Prince Caspian so I couldn’t toletare watching it again; it’s not that great, tbh.

Instead I chit-chatted with Se, wrote in my moleskine, and then called Elizabeth. In all we were on the phone for two hours, talking even after the movie ended and I went home. Haha… chatter boxes, fo’ sho. Love that chica to the extreme. ^_^ Without her I’d probably say I had no true close friends.

Yeahyeahyeah… time to get to business.

Oh, and argh… was gonna type up what I wrote in my moleskine, but already talked about it with Elizabeth. Seriously, getting REALLY bad at typing up hand-written/elsewhere-written entries. :< Moment I find time I’ll get to it!

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