There are things I wanted just a few weeks ago that I no longer seem to want. Very crucial, important things that were a big part of me, no longer are of me.
I know what’s changed. The cause, too.
I am your ideal only when I am not with you.
Image Credits: NASA
I’m slightly perplexed by my lack of concern over the fact that a few nights ago I was seriously considering overdosing on a bunch of different pills.
And that is all.
“I’m not crazy ’cause I take the right pills everyday.”
What do you do when you’re bored? What do you do when you’re depressed? What do you do when you’re unhappy?
Here’s what I do:
1. Listen to one of two playlists:
A. My Soul Is Dying
01. Cold – Stupid Girl
02. Blindside – Pitiful
03. Smile Empty Soul – Bottom of a Bottle
04. Jimmy Eat World – Bleed American
05. A.F.I. – The Leaving Song Pt. 2
06. Jimmy Eat World – Hear You Me
07. Something Corporate – I Want to Save You
08. Papa Roach – Last Resort
09. Crossfade – Cold
10. Jimmy Eat World – Sweetness
11. Sum 41 – We’re All to Blame
12. Sum 41 – Still Waiting
13. Papa Roach – Scars
14. Linkin Park – A Place For My Head
15. No Doubt – Don’t Speak
16. Jimmy Eat World – Pain
17. Blindside – Eye Of The Storm
18. The Ataris – In This Diary
19. Sugarcult – Pretty Girl (The Way)
20. Hawthorne Heights – Ohio Is For Lovers
21. Sum 41 – Pieces
22. The Living End – Prisoner of Society
23. Relient K – Forward Motion
B. .hack//SIGN OSTs
2. Stare at my computer monitor and either a) think (with music on) or b) go through old layouts.
3. Sleep. This is Ryan’s way of coping with problems and I find it to be really effective. Time goes much quicker in this way. But then, when I wake up it all comes back. I’m glad it’s summer because this has been messing with my sleeping schedule. On Saturday, the 9th of July, I slept for 5 hours in the day and then 8 hours at night. On Sunday, I just felt like falling back to sleep at any moment. It’s getting to the point where I can sleep anytime even if I’m not tired or sleepy. Then, last night or rather, this morning (14th), I slept from 5.40-7.40am. You’d think two hours wouldn’t be enough, but here I am — not even sleepy. But I want to go to bed right now and get my day over with. The days seem longer when you want them to finish.
4. Read. This is the least helpful, oddly enough. I start reading, but the entire time I’m thinking. So then I have to reread what I “read.” Sometimes I manage to get greatly interested and time passes quickly and I read lots. But eventually my thoughts sneak back in.
If you haven’t read the README (click on the yellow warning sign on the sidebar), you should know that I’m not stating why I’m unhappy for a reason. Don’t ask. I hate talking about myself . . . well, if I don’t mention it: I don’t want to talk about it. It’d probably be considered stupid or even immature.
Sarah’s Friend: lol.. i feel sorry for you tho… ppl go to you for their problems… but you don’t get your say in any of yours… *coughs* sarah mentioned it when i mentioned you yesterday… *secretly hopes that nothing bad will happen to him for revealing that he possesses such knowledge*
Me: yeah everyone does come to me. I’ve just accepted the fact and moved on. Maybe I like keeping my problems to myself. Why would anyone care about my shit? Simple as that.