Nov
15

Twilight

So last night after watching Role Models with ze Rony dearest (and watching the Twilight preview) I knew instantly I was going to give in and read that blasted Twilight series. Out of some slight fear of disliking the books (very slight), I only bought the first two of four. And so, sitting at Borders, I began my descent into the world of the Twilight series. Immediately I was taken in and completely absorbed.

Rony wasn’t having much luck finding a book to her liking so we were only there a little bit under and hour and we headed back home, but not without the book on my mind already. We go home, attempted to watch a A.I. but since I’d watched it a million and one times I couldn’t bare to go through it again. So instead I rushed off to the bedroom and kept reading. And reading. And reading. Until finally it was 5am and my contacts were starting to annoy me. Regardless I woke up after a few hours and finished it. (: I am done with book 1!

As I was reading… I could feel my heart stuck in my throat, and I could only barely breathe. There was such an overwhelming sense of attraction to Edward Cullen I didn’t know what to do with myself (uh… that sounds wrong, a lil’ bit ey?) So badly I yearned to wake up Rona and squeal like a little romanced child. His bodily and facial perfection were enough to drive me mad. Edward’s ever-changing temperament was enough to satiate my need for perpetual excitement, a really delightful feeling. From him, no reaction was ever expected and I loved how he progressed through anger, confusion, humor, and happiness so very quickly. The words for my adoration for him came much more easily at the first signs of morning and now I’m more speechless than anything.

In a small way, Edward made me feel as though I could feel again. And for a short while (the few hours it took me to read and finish the book) I wanted to love someone so passionately as Bella loved Edward. I even believed I was capable of it! Maybe I will be some day… And admittedly at one point I had to stop reading, just stop because I could hardly take it! There was only one person on my mind with whom I wanted to share my emotions.

Oh Edward, Edward, how can you be doing this to me?

*is so stoked for the first movie*

Editz: Lolol…. :(

[06:55] xportrait bruise: i miss edward
[06:55] survivorulez23: omggg
[06:55] survivorulez23: lol
[06:55] xportrait bruise: i’m not kidding
[06:55] xportrait bruise: didya read my blog?
[06:55] xportrait bruise: he sparked in me some longing to LOVE someone
[06:55] xportrait bruise: *sigh*
[06:55] xportrait bruise: and now i feel hopelessly empty inside
[06:56] survivorulez23: aww thats emo!
[06:56] survivorulez23: :-(
[06:56] xportrait bruise: I KNOW
[06:56] survivorulez23: well edward loves you
[06:56] xportrait bruise: that’s why i miss him
[06:56] xportrait bruise: uhm
[06:56] xportrait bruise: he loves BELLE
[06:56] survivorulez23: you miss him??
[06:56] xportrait bruise: fucking bastard
[06:56] survivorulez23: read the second book
[06:56] survivorulez23: lol
[06:56] xportrait bruise: miss him in the sense that i need to read more of what happens
[06:56] survivorulez23: i heard he slices her throat open and calls her a bitch!
[06:56] xportrait bruise: but…. if i finish the second i don’t have the third or fourth yet
[06:57] survivorulez23: thats true
[06:57] xportrait bruise: FIND ME SOMEONE THAT LOVES ME
[06:57] xportrait bruise: ):
[06:57] survivorulez23: harry potter?
[06:57] survivorulez23: idk!
[06:57] xportrait bruise: EW
[06:57] xportrait bruise: he’s a damn dirty guy
[06:57] xportrait bruise: fuck that
[06:57] xportrait bruise: fuck that shit
[06:57] xportrait bruise: oh hell no
[06:58] survivorulez23: but he wants you ;-)
[06:58] xportrait bruise: he sexes horses. haven’t you heard?
[06:58] survivorulez23: lol well…
[06:58] survivorulez23: jk jk
[06:58] xportrait bruise: *laughing so hard irl right nao*
[06:58] xportrait bruise: i know you can hear me!!

Nov
13

After Some Contemplation

Originally when I opened up a tab to write an entry (an hour ago) I was considering discussing my mini-breakdown yesterday. You know, describe those moments of anguish, panic, lack of decisiveness, random tangets, distractions, etc. but now I don’t so much feel like doing it anymore. I am over it.

Something about that bothers me. Just a little. Only yesterday I was ranting and raving, thinking about throwing one of my textbooks out the window, etc., and now… that just sounds so overly dramatic. Granted, I still feel the same (re: lack of decisiveness), but the emotions are gone. My mind is exhausted and I’ve used up every last reserve of emotion. Let’s wait till my tank of emotion fills up again. Then maybe I will feel something again. ^_^

Oh yes… this week has been full of bad decision-making and quite frankly, I am apathetic to it all. Not a good sign of things to come. Not at all. Winter’s coming, depression’s coming, apathy’s coming, a whole whirlwind of bad things are coming my way!

Er… and a random addition to this entry:

[20:30] xportraitbruise: why my brain dying, bbkakez?
[20:30] Ryan: bbkakez you say?
[20:30] Ryan: BUKKAKE!
[20:30] Ryan: >>
[20:30] Ryan: <<
[20:30] xportraitbruise: wot?
[20:31] Ryan: nuthin
[20:31] xportraitbruise: O_O
[20:31] Ryan: wellll its 11:30 now
[20:31] Ryan: im gonna havta go to sleep soon
[20:31] xportraitbruise: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bukkake
[20:31] xportraitbruise: O_O
[20:31] xportraitbruise: how you know that word, bby?
[20:32] Ryan: hahaha
[20:32] Ryan: you looked that up awful fast…
[20:32] xportraitbruise: i do everything awfully fast
[20:32] xportraitbruise: lightning speed~
[20:32] Ryan: you sure do!
[20:32] Ryan: like zoom zoom quick
[20:33] xportraitbruise: vroom~
[20:33] xportraitbruise: hey, buy me a new car?
[20:33] xportraitbruise: *pretty eyes*
[20:33] xportraitbruise: pwease?
[20:33] Ryan: awwww….no
[20:33] Ryan: XD
[20:34] xportraitbruise: fine!
[20:34] xportraitbruise: then go get your sleep!
[20:34] xportraitbruise: *cries* *staring at that pic still*
[20:34] xportraitbruise: XD
[20:34] xportraitbruise: lulz
[20:34] xportraitbruise: you so cuteeee
[20:34] Ryan: what pic?
[20:34] xportraitbruise: the wiki pic
[20:34] xportraitbruise: D;
[20:34] Ryan: HUHWHA??
[20:34] xportraitbruise: it’s so graphic
[20:34] Ryan: oh
[20:34] xportraitbruise: (lulz)
[20:34] Ryan: its a cartoon
[20:34] xportraitbruise: even sexxier!
[20:35] xportraitbruise: *laughing so hard*
[20:35] xportraitbruise: i feel like posting this on my blog
[20:35] Ryan: hahaha

Aug
01

I’m a teenager, right?

“Until I learned to love myself I was never loving anybody else. Happiness lies in your own hand. It took me much too long to understand…”

My life is so strange. My age says I’m a teenager but I feel like I don’t play the part – at least not well. I don’t even look like a teenager; I look 12 and I’m shooort; I feel as though I stopped growing at age 12. l don’t act like a mature young adult (all the time); with my family, I act waaaay cutesy and hyper and not at all like a 16 1/2-year old. Around those my age, or rather in public I act waaay mature and older than I really am. Ooh yeah, I am so bi-polar. I like both ends of the spectrum and none of the the middle. I don’t experience any of the ‘normal’ teenager experiences. I hardly go out with my friends. And I never call anyone; when I’m the phone it’s only because someone has called me and when I call someone it’s usually my family. ^-^;

Okay, and here is where I get to my main point! Oh em gee. I don’t have the normal high-school experiences… I’ve never had a boyfriend in my life and had it not been for my first kiss being stolen, I’d have never been kissed either. -dies- But then two weeks ago a 23-year old guy asked me out over the phone. -gags- That was the first time a guy asked me out and it had to be so ewww, and his mind was totally off. Theeeen three weeks ago I finally spoke to my goooood friend Jon online since the summer began. We were talking about a girl that liked him and how they were probably going to get together.

Jon: she told me that she likes me
Me: so you took that as initiative [to flirt] ne?
Jon: I didn’t like her that much at first but she’s grown on me
- a lil` later -
Jon: what’s the farthest you’ve gone with a guy?
Me: er…
- a lil` later (after some persuasion on the question) -
Me: er… a kiss?
Jon: that’s it?
Me: yahh. o_O;; just one, too. hahaha
Jon: THAT’S IT
Me: never had a BF in my life LOL
Jon: your missin out
- after I say I’m ugly and him saying I’m not -
Jon: to tell you the truth I had a crush on you
Jon: little bit
Me: hahaha you’re funny
Jon: seriously not lying. that’s why I was mean to you most of the time but then it just became fun
Me: lol oh em gee! xD
Me: Hahah yahh we’re good friends (:
Jon: little crush
Jon: yeah
Me: aww you’re sweet. haha.
Jon: but I am over it…..I like nikki
Jon: lol I will still be mean to you and knock over your water next year too
Jon: don’t worry
Me: hahaha alright!! And I’ll kick your ass everytime.
- later -
Jon: mrs. 4.0
Jon: wait
Jon: miss 4.0
Jon: sry
Me: lol!! (: nahh. I’mma be marriend to mr. 4.0 one day hahaha
Jon: lol I’m Mr. 3.50
Me: =o! hahaha that’s good enough
Jon: are you trying to tell me something?
Me: huh? lol
Me: oh heyy i’mma go to sleep. really exhausted. (: ttyl~ maybe tw if you get online!!

Yes yes, that was a long, but hopefully interesting read. The only confusing part was the “trying to tell me something” bit. Was HE trying to tell ME something? Hahah it’s funny because for a while I thought I liked Jon, too. But I don’t like anyone and no one likes me (unless you count 23-year olds hahahahah). So there ya have it. That’s as far as my life goes. TEENAGER-Y ain’t it? -rolls eyes- Lol. But it’s okay that I’m like not social in that way, right? Nod your head with me.

No doubt.

Go back to top