denial never spoke so loud

Self Deception

September 19th, 2008

At what point do we stop being ourselves?

I haven’t really felt depressed all summer. I am concerned.

Spending time with friends is great.

Celebrating twin aunts’ birthday today even though it’s on Thursday of next week, reason being I’m leaving back to SB tomorrow morning.

Didn’t get into a single argument with any family relatives during my stay! Woah, woah. Forreal. (:

Why is my memory so bad? Mom kept telling me about all the things we used to do when I was younger and I couldn’t recall doing them, at all.

My schedule for Fall quarter for now:


  • Japanese 4
  • Philosophy of Mind
    • Discussion of some central questions about the mind: are people identical to their bodies? What is it to feel, believe, or desire something? What distinguishes intelligent thinking from a computer’s activities? What is the connection between language and thought?
  • Health Psychology
    • Introduction to concepts, theory, and research within the subdiscipline of health psychology. Relationships among behavioral factors, well being, and disease.
  • Jogging
  • Statistics for Psych majors

18.5 units. *cringes* Tbh, I’m probably going to drop Health Psych just because … I don’t know. Wait, why am I setting myself up for faaailure? ): I can do it. I can do it. *nods nods* Friday is freaking fucking awful. Ugh. But whatever, the other days I won’t start until 11. (: Yaay.

There is no greater sorrow than to be mindful of the happy time in misery.

July 28th, 2008

It’s called taking a half-hour nap, so don’t question my disheveled look. Why do I always feel I am to blame? And I’m currently blushing at the thought of someone potentially staring at me. Potentially. Maybe I’m just a wishful thinker with nothing better to do. The “potentially” makes me feel uncomfortable walking into class.

Oh, hey. Valerie called me today. We haven’t exchanged words in about a year because she’s in the army. It keeps her occupied.

Note to self: readership. How can I reduce comment anxiety? *emo face*

Dramarama. My Japanese class and I watched the first half hour of Water Boys, the movie, today. Over the course of the next two days we’ll be watching the rest of it. Two more days of class. Then oral interview. Then final. Kanji is my biggest issue, but I’m confident I’ll pull through OK.

There’s a sense of panic rising within me. I’m scared. And there’s nothing I can do. Walk the road most traveled with me. Walk the straight and narrow path with me. Forget it, let’s tread the waters. (I wonder if anyone realizes the brilliance of this paragraph lmao… Oh, allegory.)

Confessions of a justified sinner? Crime and punishment.

Quale è il mio peccato?


July 22nd, 2008

Week two. I’m not as stressed, but it is crunch time. Just this week and next left and then I’m done with Session E. I have to say I’m doing quite well in Japanese, getting excellent marks and such. (: It certainly is intense, but the good thing is it’s hard to forget the material when you’re quizzed every single day (forreal). Keep up with the pace.

I have another quiz in Ital 114X tomorrow and I’m a bit nervous… but I’ll definitely be studying from 12 to 4 before class. Though I can proudly say tomorrow that I have read Inferno by Dante. And then move on to Purgatorio. Yeeahh. (:

Mm, showed another movie at IV Theater today. ‘Twas good. Wish Publicity would do more advertising, though. And heyyy I get paid to go watch a movie every week – who doesn’t love that? (: $25 for 2.5 hours. Boooomb. Hahaha. I love AS Program Board.

There are two quizzes tomorrow for me. Probably I should be doing homework or studying at the very least. My mind is definitely elsewhere at the moment. Mainly been doing a lot of writing in my spare time. Yey for that. Staying off ze i-nets has been different, if anything.

I could not help but notice a serious lack of depression lately. This makes me incredibly happy, but a lil’ weary, too… that this is the calm before the storm. *shrugs* Let’s just hope I’m on the happier side of the spectrum for some time to come. Er… though I’m noticing I’m just a bit more apathetic that I’d like, and a little bit more cruel (it’s not that noticeable to others as I keep it under wraps), but still. That’s just the way my brain balances me out then I guess.

Today Ryan S. was discussing blindness, color blindness, etc. before the movie began and we had an interesting debate… but it need not be retold. Needless to say my interest is piqued and I think I’ll be learning something of color theory in color blind people in Philosophy of Mind fall quarter. (;

There is much to do!! *runs off to multi-task*

Fall Awareness

July 21st, 2008

I am soooo fucked. I just found out I have to read The Odyssey, The Iliad, Amphitryon, and The Aeneid, all for Classic Lit 30A in the fall. And wow yeah these are haaardcore classics. So hardcore I don’t want to read them anymore. Haha… I’ve alwayssss strayed from these precise books (never heard of the play ’till now) and now I get to read them… Oh such pain!

Anyyyway, Inferno is a delightful read so far. I have to admit I always read it when I’m dead tired, at night, though… and when I have class the next day it’s like er… ohhh so that’s what that means. >_>; Lol. We’re going at lightning speed but I think now that the first week is over I’m a lot less stressed and simply taking it day by day.

I had my Japanese midterm today. Yeeeeah. (; It felt like a piece of cake. And the oral interview from Friday – I got a 20/20. Easy breezy. I just have to keep studying kanji because I KNOW that’s the area in which I’m struggling the most. Worry not! for I have the cutest flashcards ever. Hahah… oh wow.

Trip to Vegas was so fuhreaking fun. (: The last few times the family has gone this year I’ve been unable to due to school, but whatevah… I just had to go this time. ^_^; I got back this morning at 8:30 and my midterm started at 9am. Oh so risky. >_x

Mmkies, sleep soon. And yesterday’s entry = pictures but it’s not published yet.

The multi-tasker’s demiseeee.


July 16th, 2008

Busy day. Tons of homework. Two quizzes. An hour and a half nap due to lack of sleep. On positive news I got to watch So You Think You Can Dance. I allowed myself those two free hours to do with as I pleased (かいてテレビをみました。) Right now I’m studying so hardcore status for Japanese I feel I can sincerely hold a conversation in the language. Yeeeeeah boi. As for Ital 114X… I’m liking The Divine Comedy so far… but the Professor is so vague sometimes and he launches into these tangents on all the references in the poem… and it’s like uhhhh we dun get you. ): And it’s not relevant to anything on the quizzes. Argh. In any case… I reaaaally don’t know how I will keep up with all this daily vigor for three whole weeks… *sigh*

Anyway, I have to study for my vocab quiz now. And then read some more cantos in Inferno.

Baiii. Wish me luuuuuuck & VIGOR. Or better yet stand beside me in solidarity. ^_^;


denial never spoke so loud